Why is God Laughing?

“To be enlightened, you must travel lightly.” –Mike Myers in his Foreword to Deepak Chopra’s “Why is God Laughing?”

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! I just finished reading Deepak Chopra’s book, “Why is God Laughing?” It’s a great little book that’s a very easy read. Essentially, it’s about a successful comedian named Mickey Fellowes who begins his journey towards spiritual enlightenment after his father passes away suddenly. It’s packed with some great principles, a few of which I’d love to share with you today.

• You are not a person searching for his soul. You are a soul playing the part of a person. It’s so easy to get caught up in our daily roles. We play the roles of spouse, mother, father, son, daughter, employee, etc. Find the part of you that lies beyond those roles. That is your soul. One way to do this is through quiet contemplation and meditation. Silence is very profound. Learn to embrace it.

• God sees only gold. In the book, there is the story of a gold ring, gold nugget, and a gold signet seal arguing over which one of them was better than the other. When they ask God to settle their dispute, he responds, “I don’t see a ring, a nugget, and a seal. All I see is gold.” No matter what roles we play, God created everything living and he sees us all as gold. Do you?

• Laughter = Pain + Time + Distance (detachment). One of my all-time favorite shows is Seinfeld. I realize that I love this show so much because there is such an element of truth about it. The characters get themselves into situations that can be painful to watch and yet we laugh because we are detached from them through our TV sets. Learn to observe yourself and the things that upset you throughout the day. How much of this can you step back and laugh at? Is it really that important?

• Whatever you focus on grows. I remember as a young teen in driver’s education class, my instructor advising us on how to drive with bright headlights coming toward you. He said, “Look at the yellow line on the right side of the street away from the lights. Don’t look into the lights or on the side of the street where that car is coming from because your tendency will be to drift that way.” Are your eyes on obstacles coming your way or are they on the path that guides you?

• Happiness based on a reason can be snatched away from you at any moment. In the book, the lead character, Mickey Fellowes realizes that he has based a good part of his happiness on the material things that have come as the result of his success. Those things can be taken away at any moment. True happiness isn’t based on money or other people. That kind of happiness can only come from within.

• Be everywhere. In one part of the book, Mickey begins to feel his connection to everything while sitting outside just observing what’s going on around him. He looks up at the sky and thinks, “I am the sky.” He looks at the ocean and thinks, “I am the ocean.” Chopra writes, “It was like being let out of a cage into an eternity that extended in all directions.” See yourself in everything and see everything in you.

• Ask for openness. This principle is related to the idea of “allowing”. Instead of reacting to things that happen in your life and praying for a specific result, just allow it to unfold as it should. Chopra sites a famous composer who was once asked about his secret for writing hit songs. The composer’s response was, “Wait, drift, obey.” Learn to trust.

• Test your alignment. Throughout the day, ask yourself these questions:

Am I acting easily without struggle?

Do I enjoy what I am doing?

Are results coming on their own accord?

Chopra explains, “The soul’s vision isn’t about struggle and lack of results. It isn’t about failure. You only need to measure your actions against the three simple conditions. If you can answer ‘yes’ to these questions, you are headed in the right direction. All three requirements must work together if you want to experience the happiness God intended.”

For the next eight days, I dare you to focus on one principle each day and find a way to incorporate it into your life. I would also highly recommend picking up a copy of this book and reading it. I only captured a few of the things that stood out for me. There are, no doubt many more things you can pick up from this book. These principles are wrapped up in a very entertaining story that’s hard to put down.

As always, I am truly grateful for those who read this blog. Thanks for daring to dare!

Life's Most Urgent Question

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today is the celebration of Martin Luther King’s birthday and I want to get straight to my challenge, which is based on the question Dr. King calls “life’s most urgent question”: “What are you doing for others?” So many times we look for what other people can do for us, but how many times do we truly reflect on what we are doing for other living beings on this planet. A check in the mail to your favorite charity is great, but that’s not an “everyday” thing for most people.

For this week, in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday, I dare you to find one thing every day to do for someone else. Buy a cup of coffee for a stranger (I am fond of this one and plan to do it as I drive through my local Starbucks on my way to work); pick up the phone and call a relative; send a letter of gratitude to a friend, family member, or colleague; encourage someone….anything you can do to make life better for one living being, even if only for a moment. One of my friends has a habit of buying the cashier who checks out her groceries a candy bar. I love that! Small, random acts of kindness are catchy too. If you have seen the movie “Pay it Forward”, you know just what I mean. If you haven’t seen that movie, I STRONGLY recommend it.

Should you choose to accept this challenge (and I hope you will!), I also would like for you to pay attention to how it makes you feel. The great thing about giving is that it feeds your own soul. Feel how great it feels and it will make you want to do more. It feels good for a reason: because you are most like God (Source) when you give. God does not know lack or scarcity. God can only give, and in giving to others we become most like our Source.

I know you will enjoy this challenge. Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

Happy New Year!

“The world's a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it. “ –From the Movie "Yes Man"

Hi! Welcome back to “A Dare a Day” and Happy New Year’s Day, my friends!

First, I would like to express a big “Thank You” to those of you who have been following this blog and have emailed me your comments and experiences with the dares we’ve undertaken together. I can’t believe it’s been almost two years now since I’ve been writing this blog, but March 19, 2010 will be the two year anniversary of the first blog entry I wrote. We’ll have to make sure to have an extra special dare on that day! So, thank you for your good vibes and words of encouragement. I really appreciate them and reflect upon them often. I'd also like to thank my partner in life who is also my editor, Larissa. Her loving support and awesome grammar have allowed me to throw my thoughts on a page which she "makes pretty" for me.

So today is New Year’s Day and, if you are like millions of people all over the world, you may have made a New Year’s resolution or two last night. Resolutions can be fun and are usually made with the best of intentions but the truth is that most resolutions are quickly abandoned within the first couple of weeks. In contemplating some of my own failed attempts, I identified two primary reasons I was unable to sustain my resolutions. These two reasons can ultimately be reduced down to one core reason, which I will explain in a moment.

The first reason I identified for failed resolutions is that I tend to make my promises too big. You may recall the “It’s too big” excuse I referenced in my last blog entry. If you’ve been smoking for twenty years and vow to quit, that is a very big goal. I don’t want to say it’s impossible because I’ve known a few people who have been able to go “cold turkey” and quit, but the majority haven’t been able to just stop. Therefore, once the sheer enormity of this goal is realized, even the most well intended people give up on their resolution.

Secondly, I succumb to “all-or-nothing” thinking. I tell myself that I have to do it perfectly; otherwise, I’ve failed. When I attended Dr. Wayne Dyer’s Excuses Be Gone! Workshop in Maui a few months ago, one of the things he discussed was the importance of maintaining a healthy body. One of the ways he talked about maintaining a healthy body was by eliminating sugar. He went on to talk for a few minutes about what it does to your body and how it contributes to belly fat, which is one of the leading causes of heart attacks, diabetes and several other health issues.. The next day, he asked for a show of hands from the audience as to how many people eliminated sugar for the rest of the previous day after hearing him discuss the effect it has on our bodies. Several people raised their hands. He congratulated them and there was a round of applause. He then asked how many at least thought about the ill effects of sugar on the body but decided to have the sugar anyway. More people raised their hands to a few ashamed giggles (Ok, yes, I was one in that group!). Dr. Dyer then said, “You should be congratulated too because really, would you have even thought about it before we discussed it yesterday? The fact that you even thought about it indicates the beginnings of a ‘shift’ in thinking for which you should be commended. First the shift must occur and then the action will follow.”

This really resonated with me because, in contemplating my own “all-or-nothing-thinking” I have come to realize that I don’t allow myself to make mistakes when it comes to my goals or give myself enough credit for my own shifts in thinking that support those goals. In his book, You: On a Diet, Dr. Mehmet Oz discusses this concept using the analogy of a navigation system. He states, "Listen, when you're driving along on the road and you missed your turn, the GPS doesn't berate you, right? It says at the next available moment, make an authorized U-turn. What's the big deal?”

For me, then, the bottom line -- that one “core reason” I mentioned above as to why I have been unable to keep resolutions – is that my two primary excuses, “it’s too big” and “all or nothing thinking”, make pursuing my goal not fun for me anymore. They are “fun-zappers”. When I make my goal impossible to reach by making it this enormous task and then, on top of that, tell myself that no u-turns are allowed and that I must do it perfectly, how can that be fun?

I started thinking about two areas I wanted to work on this year, writing more often and improving my health. In contemplating how much fun I am currently bringing to those two areas, the answer I came up with was, “Not much”. Therefore, bringing more fun to these two areas of my life is what I have resolved to do for this year.

Now the question becomes, “How do I do that?” Motivational speaker Tony Robbins talks about this in his “Personal Power” series and suggests asking yourself the question, “How can I accomplish and have the most fun doing it?” I think that’s a great question because even though I may not know the answer immediately, it gives my brain something to work on even if it’s at a subconscious level.

Think about letting a child run loose in a gym. Children are so intrigued with the equipment they run and try to play with everything. It’s funny to think that, just fifteen or twenty years later, that same kid will be complaining about having to work out. Wouldn’t it be great if we could maintain that sense of awe every time we walked in a gym?

So for today, I dare you to think about one area in your life that you have decided to work on this year and ask yourself how you can bring more fun to it. With respect my goals (writing and health), I’ve already started doing some things differently. For one, with my writing, I’ve become fascinated with the haiku genre. They are so fun to write and keep my pen moving! I also have started writing stories, which is also a lot of fun for me.

With respect to my health, my girlfriend and I bought some interactive video games designed to get us moving while having fun. In playing one the other day, we both must’ve done about a hundred squats without even realizing it. That’s the kind of exercise we are both more apt to stick to!

Remember, life is a playground. It’s supposed to be fun so don’t beat yourself up for any seemingly “wrong” turns. I don’t believe in “wrong” turns anyway. It’s all just life. Have fun and I will talk to you again very soon. Much love and blessings for this New Year!

The Sacred Seven

"All or nothing thoughts

lead to nothing getting done.

Do what you can now."

--My Haiku

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today I want to talk about something that I’ve been struggling to overcome for a long time particularly in certain areas of my life -- “all-or-nothing” thinking.

“All-or-nothing” thinking is a very common mindset that people, including me, like to hide behind. It essentially says, “If I can’t do it all, then why bother?”

In his book Excuses Be Gone! Dr. Wayne Dyer identifies this as one of the top excuses people use to not pursue their goals. He calls this the, “It’s too big” excuse. One of the points that Dr. Dyer makes in his explanation of the excuse is that we think of successful people as “big thinkers” when in fact, he points out the successful people have a knack for thinking “small” or breaking down their big vision into small, manageable pieces.

When I think about the things in my life that I have accomplished successfully, I realize that I have accomplished them because I have broken them down into smaller doable pieces. When looked at too closely, the whole it can be very overwhelming.

For example, several years ago I completed my Master’s degree in business. Having received my Bachelor’s degree in music, I knew I had a lot of classes to make up and a big test to take (GMAT) before I could even get there. Looking back, I realize that I was able to complete my degree by immediately thinking in terms of short milestones. Then, once school started, I simply viewed one semester at a time. Each semester was a short term goal. If I put my focus on how long it was going to take or what I would have to do to get there, I would’ve probably never even started.

A few weeks ago, I was watching a show on the Discovery Health channel in which a well-known doctor was attempting to help six very overweight people lose weight. One of the challenges he had with them was trying to get them into the habit of exercising. He was talking to one man who did not like the thought of working out 30-60 minutes every day. The doctor then asked him, “Can you just do it for seven minutes a day for the next week? That’s all, just seven minutes.” Why the doctor chose seven minutes I’m not exactly sure but that really struck a chord with me. I thought about three things that I’ve been putting off due to “all-or-nothing” thinking and pledged seven minutes a day to each for the following week. That’s twenty-one minutes total time each day. I decided my goals were certainly worth that!

The three things I identified for me were writing, exercising, and meditating. I have been doing all three to some degree but not as consistently as I have wanted to because I thought, “If I can’t spend at least thirty minutes on these, what’s the use?” This thinking then leads to the “I don’t have the time excuse.” Excuses love to feed off each other!

In the beginning, my “all-or-nothing” thinking was very stubborn and a voice in my head kept saying to me, “You’re just wasting your time if you don’t go for at least thirty minutes.” I really had to work to silence that voice.

A few months ago, I was reading a book by a famous personal trainer. One of the lines from the book said something to the extent of, “If you can’t workout at least 30-90 minutes a day, it’s not worth lacing up your shoes.” I was blown away by this line because this can be very discouraging to someone just starting out. This is exactly the kind of thinking that keeps butts on couches!

Taking action, even a little at a time but consistently builds a momentum that helps you to form the habits necessary to reach your goals. No time spent towards a goal is EVER wasted. Even if it’s something that moves you in the wrong direction, you still learned something from it.

For today, I dare you to pledge seven minutes a day over the next week towards one goal you have put on a shelf simply because you fooled yourself into thinking that you don’t have the time. I like “seven minutes” because it’s enough to feel like you have accomplished something but not so much that it’s overwhelming. It’s doable and, if it’s not doable for you then start at five minutes. Just do it every day. That’s the key.

Once the habit is formed and the “all-or-nothing” choir in your head has been silenced, you can experiment with more time if you feel you are ready or add another goal. I have moved up to twenty minutes or so on the treadmill every morning which is something just a month ago, I would’ve sworn I didn’t have the time for. By the way, the treadmill is preceded by twenty minutes of writing and followed by 15 minutes of meditation every morning as well. If you would have told me a few weeks ago that I would be waking up to write, exercise, and meditate before work, I would not have believed you for a minute.

One other note, because I have worked up to twenty minutes for exercise, I have made sure to give myself permission to go back to only seven minutes if I feel that I don’t have the twenty minutes in me on any given day. Again, it’s not so much the time but the daily commitment to building the habit.

I hope you find as much success with this as I have. I call this my “Sacred Seven” and have felt extremely empowered since implementing it into my life because I feel like I am working every day on the things that are important to me.

Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

Haiku Mind

"There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." --Thich Naht Hanh

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day! Today I want to talk about the concept of a “Haiku mind”.

For those not familiar with “haiku”, essentially it is a very old form of poetry that contains a total of seventeen syllables. The syllables are divided into three phrases, in which the first phrase has five syllables, the second phrase seven, and the third phrase five.. There are some variations, but that is the basic structure. Many haiku relate to nature. I have been interested in this genre of poetry for about a year now and even formed a page on Facebook called “Haiku You”.

Just a few days ago, I was shopping for a candle with my girlfriend and came across a book called Haiku Mind by Patricia Donegan. I flipped it open, read a few excerpts and immediately headed with it to the cashier because I knew I had to own it. The book is a compilation 108 haiku from various authors, written on various themes such as compassion, patience, adversity, etc. The author explains that the reason she chose 108 is because “it is an auspicious number in Buddhist thought, as there are 108 difficulties to overcome in order to be awakened.” Each haiku is followed by a short 1-2 page reflection on the poem. It’s a wonderful read because you don’t need to read it front to back. You can just pick it up and flip to a random poem and reflection. I think I read the whole thing in just a couple of days because I loved it so much!

There are a couple of things I love about Haiku poetry. First, I love the structure. In fact, I wrote a haiku about that:

Longing for structure

And yet longing to be free.

Life’s a paradox.

There is something about the structure that just stirs up my creativity!

Second, I love the rawness of the poems. Haiku tends to capture a moment in time and reduce it to its purest and rawest form. As author Patricia Donegan states, “[It is] a crystalline moment of heightened awareness.”

I have many clear memories of my life, as I’m sure many of you do. As I reflect back on my clearest memories, I recall them easily because I was so in the moment at the time that my brain almost took a picture. I call these “freeze frame” moments. They are not necessarily big events in my life, but are simply instances where I was at such a heightened awareness that the memory has stayed with me. For example, as I was writing this blog, I looked over and saw my dog sleeping next to a sock of mine that she had pulled out of the laundry. She loves stealing our socks. She doesn’t chew them but likes to hide them in her sleeping area. I wrote the following:

I look at my dog

And know she’s a piece of God

Who loves to hide socks.

Our lives are about moments, and the more we live in the moment the more connected we become to everything around us. So many times when I misplace something, I realize that I didn’t “forget” where I left it as much as I simply was not in the moment when I put it down.

For today, I dare you to write one haiku every day for the next week that captures the essence of something that may seem ordinary on the surface. Although the moment may seem mundane, I truly believe there are no ordinary moments in life. Each one is precious and deserves to be lived to the fullest. Haiku is one very fun way to practice daily mindfulness. For more examples, feel free to visit my Facebook page via the link provided. One word of caution….these can be VERY addictive so don’t be surprised if you find yourself thinking in seventeen syllables!

Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

Us and Them

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

--Mother Teresa

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! My girlfriend Larissa and I just got back from a weeklong trip to Maui, Hawaii. We scheduled the trip primarily to attend Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Excuses Be Gone!” workshop and then stayed a few extra days to see some sights and enjoy the beautiful island.

The workshop was awesome, as we expected. Dr. Dyer had come down with the flu just prior to the event and almost had to cancel but he stuck it out and was simply wonderful. We were also treated to a discussion with Ram Dass, who is another contemporary spiritual teacher and author of several books including the spiritual classic, “Remember, Be Here Now.” Above is a picture I took with him at the workshop. Holding his hand, I felt such a great sense of peace. He is truly a beautiful man.

Outside of the workshop, Maui was every bit as gorgeous as you can imagine. My girlfriend and I have traveled to some awesome places but this was the first place that I can say literally took my breath away. Additionally, the people are very friendly and inviting, and not just at the popular tourist spots. Our experience was that the people just seemed happy.

One of the things I wanted to focus on for myself when I visited Hawaii was to place my attention on feeling the oneness of everything. I try to do this a lot at home but really wanted to spend extra time on it in Hawaii since I knew I would be seeing some new things. Whenever I encountered new and different things: the ocean, the beautiful vibrant green land, animals and other people; I consciously reminded myself that the same energy that flowed through everything was also in me. I think this is one of the reasons I was really able to feel that sense of awe despite having visited some other truly amazing places in the past. I told my girlfriend several times, “I feel so small” but I didn’t mean it in a negative way. I meant that I could sense I was part of something much larger than myself. In other words, I could feel I belonged to everything and everything belonged to me because we are all a part of the same Source.

Having been to such an amazing place and having felt such a deep spiritual connection during my experience, I contemplated the fact that any source of conflict that occurs usually stems from buying into the “us vs. them” mentality. There is a Native American saying that says, “No tree has branches foolish enough to fight amongst each other.” Humans, however, are a different story.

The thing with humans is that we aren’t born thinking we are separate from everything; we are cultured to think that way. All wars and acts of terrorism stem from “us vs. them” and, as nature illustrates so perfectly for us, this is not in our God nature. When “us vs. them” stops, terrorism and war will stop. Strife only begets strife. I recently saw one of the saddest bumper stickers I have ever encountered. It read, “Give war a chance.” That really just blows my mind because the history books very much illustrate that we’ve given war plenty of “chances”. Even more sadly, when I’ve encountered this bumper sticker, it’s usually stuck next to a “My kid goes to .”

In the book, “A Course in Miracles”, written by the Foundation for Inner Peace, the authors state, “The Wholeness of God, which is His peace, cannot be appreciated except by a whole mind that recognizes the wholeness of God’s creation.” They continue, “Projection and attack are inevitably related, because projection is always a means of justifying attack. Anger without projection is impossible.”

“Peace” doesn’t mean we can’t hold different opinions or opposing beliefs. What it does mean is that when we recognize and allow the other branches on the tree of life to grow, we can live in harmony. We belong to each other. We all grow from the same tree of life. I have several very close friends and family members who hold very different political and spiritual beliefs than I do but we love and respect each other just the same. In other words, there is no “them”, there is only “us”.

In Hawaii, I was able to deeply connect to the oneness of the beauty around me. I was privileged enough to swim side by side with a beautiful sea turtle and felt so connected to God. It’s not always easy, however, to feel that sense of oneness in people who make us angry or who we feel have wronged us. That’s where the challenge lies. Sea turtles are easy. Can you feel oneness with the guy who just gave you a hand gesture in traffic?

For today, I dare you to identify one issue in your own life for which you have established an “us vs. them” mentality. After identifying it, turn your attention away from the “them” and toward finding commonalities that will bring you closer to “us”. They’re there.

In closing, today I read a quote by author Sidney Sheldon that sums up this concept perfectly: ”Do not judge strangers harshly. Remember that every stranger you meet is you.”

As always, thanks for reading and daring to dare!

Calling An Audible

“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.” --Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. I’ve been going through a few “growing pains” recently with respect to a couple of things going on in my life that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would. After my initial disappointment with these situations, I decided to meditate on what I was dealing with to see if I could find some peace.

As I meditated, I got a picture in my head of a football team lining up at the line of scrimmage to run a play. I was about to push that thought out of my head thinking that it was a stray thought that had come to visit (inspired by my 4-0 fantasy football record thank you very much! LOL) but instead, I let it play out a little more. As the scene unfolded in my head, I realized that I was in that picture. I was lining up at the receiver position waiting for the ball to be snapped.

I was looking over at the quarterback who was moving his hands around and redirecting traffic after seeing something in the defense he didn’t like. If you aren’t very familiar with football, this is called an “audible”. That is, although a play was called in the huddle, the quarterback may decide to switch the play at the line if he sees that the defense may be lined up unfavorably for that particular call.

As the play unfolded, I ran a deep route and looked over my shoulder to see the ball coming right down into my hands. I scampered in for the touchdown.

It was then I realized exactly what I was being shown. In this situation, God was my quarterback and I was a receiver. Sometimes, we may have a “play” (plan) set ready to run with expectations of how it will turn out. In a previous blog entry, I mentioned a long-term relationship I was in that didn’t turn out at all as I had hoped. I hadn’t been happy for a while but yet felt too stuck to leave. While I didn’t know it at the time, God was calling an audible for me. Now I can see perfectly why the play was changed.

As the receiver, I have to trust and adjust. If I am trying to do what is right in any given situation, and yet it doesn’t seem to be working as I expected, that’s where I need to trust that Source (God) is looking out for me and just keep running deep. It will turn out exactly as it should.

For today, I dare you to “run deep”. Reflect on a situation going on in your life currently that isn’t turning out exactly as you might have wanted. Consider what the gift in the situation might be. As you may recall in my last blog entry, even getting shingles provided me with some gifts! As you think about your situation, visualize yourself in the receiver position waiting for God to adjust the play and then trust and adjust. This visualization helped me to find peace and move past any doubts I may have had about my ability to move on. I hope it does the same for you. Thanks for reading and daring to dare!