A Dare a Day

Road Trippin'

2011-09-06T21:07:00.003-05:00

My girlfriend, Larissa and I drove to west Texas for a road trip this past weekend. I’m easily restless and sometimes just need to drive. Long Texas roads are a great place for that.

Pulling out of our driveway, I comment about how dry our grass looks. “This drought is killing our lawn,” I tell her. She agrees.

We drive far through tiny towns that I didn’t even know existed. We see acres and acres of farmland brown…shriveled….thirsty. Occasionally we see some bushels of cotton wrapped tightly in bright pink wrap sitting in the middle of a field. I remember a news story I saw a few weeks ago about how the drought had threatened the livelihood of so many farmers. My lawn suddenly seems small, very small. I am humbled and a bit ashamed.

“Did you know that a flight of vultures circling is called a ‘kettle’?” Larissa asks.

“No,” I answer.

“Also I read that the stomach acid of vultures is designed to kill disease and bacteria that could kill other birds or carnivores.” Isn’t that cool?”

I think about nature and try to remember that she knows what she is doing. She is neither good nor bad. She just is. There’s no sense in complaining or questioning. I decide my time would be better spent in gratitude for what I have.

Sometimes a good road trip is all you need to gain a little perspective.

Hello Mister Hoffer

2011-07-30T19:30:00.006-05:00

"That which is unique and worthwhile in us makes itself felt only in flashes. If we do not know how to savor these flashes, we are without growth and without exhilaration." -Eric Hoffer

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE days when I stumble upon a piece of the puzzle that is my life that snaps perfectly into place! Today while attempting to stay out of the hot humid South Texas weather (the tropical storm that was SUPPOSED to bring us rain today was a complete BUST!), Larissa (my girlfriend) and I hung out in a couple of secondhand book stores and I was introduced to one, Mr. Eric Hoffer, in the philosophy section at the back of the store....well, his books anyway.

The title of his book, "The Passionate State of Mind" caught my attention and as I thumbed through it, I felt that feeling you get when something just falls into place. I really connected to it and instantly knew I was supposed to read this. In addition to buying "The Passionate State of Mind", I also bought the book, "Eric Hoffer - An American Odyssey", by Calvin Tomkins, which is a short bio on Hoffer. I read that in a couple of hours sitting in a coffeehouse. Excellent read!

The quote above is one of my favorites because, as per my last blog entry, I have really been trying to pay attention to those things that make me feel "alive". I think many times we expect our life's calling to come to us in one big EUREKA moment, when in reality it's more about paying attention to those things that make you sit up and take notice when you encounter them.

Mr. Hoffer has taught me a TON in the short time I've known him and I'm looking forward to finishing "The Passionate State of Mind" and moving on to "True Believer", his most famous book. I'll be sure to share more quotes and learnings!

In the meantime, PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE FLASHES!! They're trying to tell you something! :o)

Warmer/ Colder

2011-07-17T11:44:00.003-05:00

"Pay attention to the things that make you feel alive because therein lies your calling"-- unknown

Lately I've been feeling a bit restless. Some might chalk it up to the fact that I'm into my forties now and that perhaps I'm going through a bit of a... "crisis". I remember hearing about these when i was younger but thought mid-life crises were supposed to be for balding men in unhappy marriages who fixed the problem by having affairs and buying sports cars.

This definitely isn't me. I enjoy my job and have a very supportive life partner. I wouldn't define my feelings of restlessness as a "crisis" but definitely some sort of indication that something in my life is just a bit "off-center".

From this perspective, I can see why someone experiencing this sense of restlessness might be tempted to placate the situation with an "easy" fix like a sports car or an affair. Those are low hanging fruit.....easy distractions. Unfortunately, like eating candy to try to overcome hunger, those things might fix the problem temporarily but the hunger will come back quickly.

As you get older and you realize that life does go by very fast (just like my "getting-wiser-everyday" parents told me), you start to wonder if this is it. Death becomes more of a reality. Parents die. Friends close to your age die. It's no longer something that's an eternity away. Realistically, my life is close to or halfway done.

I think the restlessness comes from wondering if I am on the right path of my calling....fulfilling what I was put on earth to do. How does one know that? I think the answer to that question comes more often than we think. The problem is, many times we're too distracted with trivial things to pay attention.

When I think about the things I enjoy doing, those things that make me feel "alive" I am reminded of the "warmer/colder game" I played as a child. In case you're not familiar with the game, it's played by one person either hiding or identifying an object in a room and another person trying to find it using the verbal hints of "warmer" (indicating they are getting closer to the object) or "colder" (indicating they are moving further away).

What if finding your life's purpose was the ultimate game of "warmer/ colder"? What if feelings of frustration, anger, indifference were the universe's way of telling you that you are getting colder or moving away from your path while feelings of connectedness, fulfillment, and being "in the zone" was the universe's way of telling you that you're getting warmer and on the right track.

I think we get feelings like these everyday as we engage in different activities and with different people. When I do things or hang around with people who don't direct me to that "warmer" place, I know it. If I watch mindless TV for several hours to avoid working on an idea, I feel like I had candy for dinner; empty and jittery.

On the other hand, when I engage in my writing, my music, or my teaching ideas, I lose track of time. I am like a skater gliding through the ice. I'm in the zone.

For today, I dare you to engage the universe in the "warmer/colder" game. She plays it with you every day giving you clues to your calling. The great thing is, when you find what she planted for you, she doesn't let you down. As author Paulo Coelho writes in one of my favorite books, The Alchemist, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it." The universe tends to help those who help themselves.

Play the game. It will be well worth it.

Thanks for reading and daring to dare!

Dream the Painting

2011-03-30T22:17:00.004-05:00

"First I dream my painting then I paint my dream.” –Van Gogh

Hi and welcome back to, “A Dare a Day”! A few weeks ago, as part of a training exercise at work, I worked with a group of peers to assemble a puzzle. The task was to assemble a puzzle as a team with several obstacles, one being that were weren’t given a picture of what the completed puzzle would look like. We began by assembling the border pieces and gathering like pieces but without knowing what the picture was, we were moving at a snail’s pace. After a few minutes, the facilitator of the exercise gave us a picture of what we were assembling and all of a sudden, our mission was clear and we finished the puzzle within a few minutes.

As I reflected on the exercise, it occurred to me that it is analogous to how we can go through life if we don’t have a clear picture of what it is we want for ourselves. You might say, “I want to be healthy”, but what exactly does that mean? What would it feel like to be healthy? What would a typical day of your healthy life look like? Do you spring out of bed in the morning full of energy? Do you run marathons or play a favorite sport with ease? Neglecting to describe in vivid detail what this means to you is like trying to put the puzzle of your life together without a clear picture of what you are trying to accomplish. Your days can seem like random “pieces” without a clear focused goal. No wonder many people feel like they are simply drifting through life!

For today, I dare you to choose one area of your life in which you would like to experience something different than you are experiencing now and write out in detail what the new and improved experience looks like to you. For example, if your job situation isn’t ideal, write out what your ideal job does look like. Write in detail from waking up in the morning on your way to you job through when your head hits the pillow at night.

Keep your picture close to you for one week and read it at least twice a day. Allow yourself to feel the feelings as if it’s already manifested itself in your life. Close your eyes and pretend it’s happened. Doing so will set your inner compass towards that goal even if you’re not exactly sure on how it’s going to happen. Don’t worry about the “how”. That tends to show itself once you are clear on the “where”, that is, where you want to be.

Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

What's Your Sentence?

2011-02-26T20:58:00.009-06:00

The late congresswoman and playwright Clare Booth Luce once advised President John F. Kennedy that every great man is one sentence. For example, Abraham Lincoln "preserved the union and freed the slaves." Franklin D. Roosevelt "lifted us out of a great depression and helped us win a world war."

What would your sentence be?

What's Your Sentence?: The Video from Daniel Pink on Vimeo.

A “Toast” to the New Year

2010-12-30T18:20:00.002-06:00

Hi and welcome back to, “A Dare a Day”!

This morning, as I was making toast for breakfast, I was confronted with two loaves of bread on the counter. Larissa (my partner) and I had just gone to the store yesterday and I wondered why she had bought two loaves since we aren’t big bread eaters. I then remembered that a couple of days ago, I commented on how our loaf had passed its “best by” date. Larissa stated, “It’s still good for toast.” One bag was fresh and the other was from last week.

I started to take a piece of bread out of the older bag but stopped as I realized that we were in this vicious circle of old versus new bread which never really never allowed us to get a fresh piece because we were constantly taking from the old one. This week’s new loaf would be next week’s old loaf. I just KNEW there was a message for me in there somewhere!

I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions because I don’t think you need to wait until New Year’s to change things you truly want to change. While working out with my trainer yesterday, we started discussing the crowd we’ll have to deal with in the gym next week due to the New Year. “Give it a month or so,” he said, “The ‘New Year’s crowd tends to dwindle after a few weeks and the gym will be back to normal soon.”

As I contemplated the changes I’ve made in my own life over the past year, it occurred to me that the reason they “stuck” this time is because I changed the way I looked at the things I wanted to change. In other words, I threw out the old stale perspectives that no longer worked for me. Dieting never worked for me so I threw that out. That doesn’t mean I’m no longer mindful of the things I’m putting into my body. It just means I’ve changed the way I look at it. For example, a friend of mine approached me in the café at work the other day and commented, “You’re looking great! So what are you allowed to eat?” I replied, “I’m allowed to eat anything I want.” He looked at me a bit puzzled. I added, “It’s about what I choose to eat.”

Changing my mindset from one of “restriction” to one of “choice” has been a monumental perspective-changer for me. Instead of putting myself on a “diet” or on a regimented exercise program, I started to study nutrition and exercise and how they affect my body. I realized that I needed to make exercise fun again, like when I was a kid and would ride my bike for hours without thinking of it as “working out”. I found a trainer who challenges me with crazy new exercises several times a week. This keeps my workouts fresh and when we’re done, I feel such a great sense of accomplishment. I also started going to parks and looking for ways to spend time outside when I workout on my own.

When I changed the way I looked at my health, my health changed! I threw out the stale mindset and accompanying beliefs that had produced nothing for me except a sense of failure and replaced those with a new perspective. In my mind, I cannot fail because there isn’t such a thing as “failure”, only choices.

For today, I dare you to think about something you’ve wanted to change but haven’t manifested yet and challenge yourself to think of it in a different way. Turn it sideways and upside down. Approach it from a different angle. Blog about it. Talk about it differently to your friends. Act as if it’s already here.

Needless to say, I put aside the old bread bag and made myself a fresh piece of toast for breakfast and it was yummy! I’ll let the ducks at the duck pond down the street feast on the stale pieces. 2011 is all about fresh bread for me!

Thank you for reading and I wish you a very special new year!

Talk the Walk

2010-12-01T20:49:00.007-06:00

Dare to believe in the reality of your assumption and watch the world play its part relative to its fulfillment. --Neville Goddard

Hi and welcome back to "A Dare a Day"! As I've mentioned in past posts, I've been meeting regularly with a fitness trainer (three times a week) and working out on my own another three days a week in an effort to achieve my goal of being in the best shape of my life. I've also started meeting with a nutritionist over the past several weeks and have really seen some positive results.

During a meeting with my nutritionist earlier this evening, she told me that she could tell by the way I spoke about my health that I had a very positive attitude. She asked me what changed for me to get me to that positive mentality in which I was so committed to my health goals.

I told her two things changed. First, I invested my money into myself. Personal training doesn't come cheap and that's actually a good thing because once you plunk down the cash, most people will go just so they don't lose their money. That's what initially got me coming through the door on a regular basis.

However, even more importantly, I changed how I spoke about my health to anyone who would listen. Despite the challenging workouts, whenever people would ask me how my workout was, I would enthusiastically reply, "Great! Awesome! Amazing!" When I would come home from my workouts, I would show my girlfriend the things my trainer had me do that day with all the enthusiasm of a kid saying, "Look at me! Look what I can do!"

Now, I absolutely feel amazing after my workouts these days but in the beginning, as I was still working on changing my mentality, I didn't always feel that way. Was I lying then? No, not really because I knew that despite my mind not necessarily being there yet, my body was loving it! Our bodies want to be healthy and happy and I knew that my mind would catch up and it did! I am certain that had I not adjusted my mental perspective, I would've stuck with my trainer for my initial three months so as not to lose my money, but no doubt I would have quit after that. Instead, I am getting ready to renew with him again, bringing my total time with him to 9 months, and I don't plan on quitting anytime soon! If someone would've told me a year ago that I would be working out six days a week and loving every minute of it, I would've laughed....and laughed hard!

Have you ever asked someone how their job was going and you can just see their body language change as if someone just sucked all the energy from them? If you haven't noticed, try observing next time you ask. Additionally, what type of message are they sending themselves when they reply, "Oh, I'm hanging in there..." When you say that enough times, you start to believe it! How do you respond when someone asks you that question?

For today, I dare you to talk up a good game. Think of something in your life you've been wanting to improve and start adjusting your verbalization and your thoughts around it. For example, if you've been wanting to get healthier, talk it up! Instead of saying, "I have to go workout" as if it's some dreaded obligation, say to yourself and to anyone who will listen, "I GET to go workout today!" Act as if it's a privilege and it will become so!

This small adjustment will reap HUGE rewards! I hope you have fun with this. Thanks or reading today and for daring to dare!

The "A-Word"

2010-10-25T10:25:00.003-05:00

Hi, and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. Today I wanted to talk a bit about “action”. I think “action” can sometimes get undeserved flack from folks who study the law of attraction and interpret the law to mean that all you have to do is think about something and it will be so.

This was one of the big allures of the movie “The Secret”. I am not discrediting the film, since I personally give it a ton of credit in my life for moving me towards many spiritual growth books I would go on to study, but the movie is really just the tip of the iceberg. It appeals to people because it’s like the icing on the cake…it’s about all of the good stuff but doesn’t show you the “cake”, the substance which I believe is the action that goes behind right thinking.

I want to be careful not to diminish “right-thinking” though because without it, I don’t believe one can obtain, much less sustain, real success for any meaningful period of time. For example, for years I tried to attract better health into my life through various means. Like many people, I tried various things with little or no success and I believe that I was unsuccessful because I was focused completely on action rather than on fixing my thinking.

This past year, I vowed that before I tried anything else, the first thing I would do was fix my thinking. Having been very athletic most of my life, I started envisioning myself as an athlete in training. No longer did I focus on how out of shape I was or how much weight I had to lose. I simply started picturing and, more importantly, feeling myself in a healthy state. Very soon after, I attracted an awesome personal trainer into my life who I’ve been working out with three times a week for almost six months now. If someone would’ve told me a year ago that this is what I would be doing at this time and for how long I would be doing it, there is NO WAY I would’ve believed them because I had tried so many things and never committed myself for any significant amount of time.

So, what I believe is that thinking the right thoughts attracted the right person into my life to help me on my journey towards a healthier life, but that I am the one who goes into the gym and does the work. That’s my sweat on the weight bench and no matter how “right” my thinking is, those reps are what burn the calories.

On the flip side, no matter how many reps I do, the wrong kind of thinking will no doubt put me right back where I was six months ago. The mind (thoughts) and body (action) have to be in sync for success to occur.

For today, I dare you to examine your thoughts in an area of your life you’ve wanted to improve for a while and have had little to no success. First, sow your field. That is, get your mind right. This can take some time but be patient. Be an observer of your thoughts and try and come up with ways to flip negative thoughts around into positive beliefs. For example, one of my dominating thoughts used to be, “It’s been years since I’ve been in shape, so it’s going to be so hard to get back there.” When I caught this thought swirling in my head I asked myself, “What would I have to believe that would invalidate this thought?” I flipped that thought into, “My body naturally wants to be healthy. It craves health so as soon as I start doing something, anything, it will start to heal itself.” This thought was something I could believe and helped dispel my previous negative thought.

Please understand that changing your thinking might take some time. I work on this every day and still fine-tune my new beliefs because the old ones don’t die easily. Some people spend years letting the same negative thoughts play over and over in their heads. It sometimes takes a while to evict them, but be patient and understand it’s a process.

Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

F*** It! A Book Review and a New Post...Finally!!

2010-08-29T19:52:00.001-05:00

“Life is too important to be taken seriously.” –Oscar Wilde

Hi and welcome back to A Dare a Day! I just finished reading an awesome book that really struck a chord with me. The name of the book is called, "F*** It" (yes, F*** It!). I heard about the book when I came across an interview with the author, John Parkin, on Hay House radio. I laughed to myself while listening as the interviewer attempted to maintain a professional demeanor while asking questions about the book even as she tried to restrain her giggles every time she said the title.

The author, John Parkin, studied and practiced systems of Eastern wisdom for over 20 years. He wrote this book as a way “Westernize” the idea of “detachment” which is a common thread among many of the Eastern religions. “Detachment” in this context essentially means letting go of attachments to material things as well as to certain outcomes. Saying “f*** it” is just another way of releasing. This book made the idea of detachment so much easier for me to understand. I have read several books by various authors that touch on this subject but I really never fully grasped how you could care about something but yet detach from it. How do you not care about something you care about?

Saying “F*** It” doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t care. Sometimes it can but not in all cases. What the author is referring to in his book is more about finding freedom in realizing that things don’t matter much (if at all) in the big scheme of life. It’s about perspective. That sounds a bit harsh at first but let me explain. A really good example is this post I’m writing now. Writing, and in particular writing this blog, is important to me but I haven’t written any new posts for a couple of months. Why? Because I tend to have this annoying habit of perfectionism. Some people brag about being a “perfectionist” but really, it’s not a great thing because, as in my case, it has paralyzed me from writing. I thought that if this next blog wasn’t even better than the last one, I didn’t want to write it. After reading this book, I said, “F*** It” to my writing. Maybe it’ll be good or maybe it’ll suck. I’m not going for a Pulitzer Prize here! This is what got me typing again! Perfectionism is the anti-F*** it because it is the desire for total control.

Another great example where I’ve recently said, “F*** it!” has been in the area of my health. That sounds really bad but let me explain. For years, I have allowed myself to think that I have to be perfect in my eating and exercise habits or I might as well not try to be healthy at all. That thinking is not fun because, well, life happens. Good food comes along. Good wine comes along. Birthday cake, for Christ’s sake, comes along! And I don’t care if you are the lovely Jillian Michaels herself, NO ONE skips joyfully to the treadmill every single day. So finally, after years of yo-yo dieting and regimented exercise with mixed results I said, “F*** it!” I am looking for a lifestyle, not a diet. The operative word being “LIFE”! I needed something I could live with without feeling like a complete failure. I envisioned what that looked like for me. I love to exercise. That has fortunately never been a problem for me but I made it something I dreaded because I focused on “needing to lose weight”. Instead, with my new F-it attitude, I focused on having fun instead. I accomplished this by finding an awesome personal trainer who understands my goal of getting healthy and having fun in the process. He listened to me when I said obsessing with the scale and measurements makes this not fun for me, so he doesn’t make me do that every week. Now, when I workout, instead of focusing on “needing to lose weight”, I focus on the joy I feel in moving and testing myself. I was a very competitive athlete when I was younger, so this was an easy flame to stoke and my passion for exercising now is unbelievable. This has also inspired me to eat healthier because my nutrition definitely fuels me for a great workout. No diets. I simply focus on feeling good and pay attention to how different foods affect my body. Our bodies are a lot smarter than we give them credit for!

So my dare for you today is this, say “F*** It” to something you’ve been putting off for a while because you’ve been waiting for the “right circumstances” or the “right motivation” to come along. Just go for it! Jump in! Start doing it now even if it’s for just a few minutes a day. Start writing, start painting, start exercising, whatever it is that’s been calling your name for a while, just do it! Think of it like building a snowball. Start small and just let it build. Remember, we create our habits but eventually, our habits create us (Denis Waitely).

Thanks for reading and for daring to dare!

What's Your Setting?

2010-06-23T21:54:00.005-05:00

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.—Wayne Dyer

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! The other day I was mowing my lawn and it occurred to me that this task had become a weekly event. It seems that my grass is growing at an unprecedented rate, which I at first attributed to the above average amount of rain we’ve received recently. However, while taking a break in the shade I noticed that my lawnmower seemed high off the ground. Just then, I remembered that I had adjusted the wheels a few weeks ago going over some stubborn weeds because the lawnmower kept dying as I mowed over that patch. The blade was getting caught on something so I adjusted the blade higher. I had forgotten to lower it again when I was done, so for the past few weeks the mower was leaving my lawn longer than usual.

It occurred to me that this was a great metaphor for some things that I’ve recently changed in my life. I’ve recently made some internal adjustments to some of my goals and I’ve been seeing positive results. For example, one area I could never seem to find consistency in was getting fit and healthy. I would go through periods where I would diet and exercise rigorously with varying results but nothing seemed to “stick”. Finally, I decided to stop trying to “lose weight” and think of my health from a different perspective. I decided the real thing I was after was feeling good about myself and feeling more energetic. As I started to approach the actions I was taking from this perspective, things started to change. I didn’t find myself struggling to work out. I found that I was eager to work out and looked for any opportunity to squeeze in some sort of exercise despite having spent years using “lack of time” as an excuse not to. Suddenly, it seemed there was more than enough time. In addition, I attracted a wonderful personal trainer into my life who I’ve been working out with over the past several weeks. He is very passionate about what he does and his dedication is contagious!

Like the lawnmower, I was simply on the wrong “setting”. I kept approaching my goal from the same mindset expecting to get different results. It wasn’t until I changed my internal “setting” that I started to see different results from my actions.

For today, I dare you to examine a goal in your life where you seem to be “stuck” and check your “setting”. Chances are if you’re not seeing any positive results in a particular area of your life, you may be approaching the goal from an angle that isn’t in alignment with that goal. Although I hope that losing some excess weight will be a side effect of my new routine, that is not what I am committed to any longer because that perspective didn’t work for me. What does work for me is focusing on my desire to feel energetic and confident. When I exercise, I don’t think of burning calories, I think of gaining health.

I truly feel as if I am in complete alignment with my goal now. I hope this exercise works for you as it did for me! Thanks for reading today and for daring to dare!

Been There, Done That!

2010-06-08T21:55:00.004-05:00

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” –Tony Robbins

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! The quote above has been my mantra for the last few weeks as reached a point with a couple of my goals where I didn’t seem to be moving anywhere. One of these was my writing and the other was my health. I’ve heard this quote before but it seemed to suddenly click with me one day and I decided to start thinking of these goals in a way that I hadn’t thought of them before. Just as importantly, I started taking actions towards these goals that I had never taken before.

One of the first things I did however, was to take the words “should” and “need” out of anything remotely related to these goals. I found that I used to repeat phrases in my head such as “I should be writing” or “I need to get in shape”. I’ve repeated those words in my head for years, with little to no results. These phrases are obviously not serving me so why keep them? Instead, I replaced these words with the phrase, “I choose to.” It’s a small but powerful switch that I highly recommend. “I choose to be healthy,” is so much more empowering than, “I need to work out.”

After I successfully removed those words from my vocabulary, I then started to brainstorm things that I haven’t done before that pertain to each of these goals. I paid careful attention not to edit myself or start thinking about “how” I was going to do the things I was listing. I just started listing. Once I had come up with a list, I then went back and started circling ideas I wanted to try. For example, I want to work out with a personal trainer. I want to start playing sports again. I want to join a writing workshop. These ideas seemed intriguing and feasible to me. I then started to take action towards making these happen. I am happy to say that I am starting week three with my personal trainer and am halfway through a wonderful writing workshop!

For today, I dare you to first, pay attention to how often you use the phrases, “I need to” or “I should” when it comes to your goals. You might be as surprised. Decide to replace these with “I choose to” and see how that feels. You will feel much more empowered making this small but very important switch!

Next, I dare you to brainstorm some things you could do differently towards the achievement of these goals. It’s really important not to edit yourself during a brainstorming process. If an idea sounds ridiculous, you can always throw it out later. Editing yourself will interrupt the flow of your subconscious, so tell your conscious mind to chill out for a while and just let yourself write down whatever wild ideas may come.

After you’re done brainstorming, circle two or three things that intrigue you and take at least one step toward those goals. It’s really important that it be something entirely different than what you’ve tried in the past. After all, how absurd would it be to plug coordinates into your GPS system and expect to go somewhere different than where they’ve taken you before?

This exercise has been VERY empowering for me and I hope you find it empowering and fun! Thanks for reading today and for daring to dare!

This Eye

2010-05-20T12:04:00.008-05:00

"This eye looks with love

This eye looks with judgment.

Free me take the sight out of this eye."

--Edie Brickell, This Eye

Hi and welcome back to "A Dare a Day"! The other day as I was walking my dog, I came upon a house for sale with the sign above posted on the front lawn. I laughed to myself because I considered what a great t-shirt this would make, “I’m beautiful inside.”

The ability to judge situations or objects quickly is part of our basic survival instinct of fight or flight. However, how often do we allow our preconceived assumptions to influence how we treat someone? How many great people might we be missing out on meeting because of those judgments?

If you saw the movie Avatar, you may recall the Na’vi greeting of, “I see you.” The meaning of this in the movie is similar to that of the Sanskrit greeting of “Namaste” which means, "The divine in me recognizes the divine in you and acknowledges we are the same". Our bodies are simply mechanisms for how we get around here on earth.

For today, I dare you to imagine that everyone, including you, is wearing an “I’m beautiful inside” t-shirt. As you encounter people throughout the day, imagine them wearing this t-shirt whether they are previous acquaintances, family, or strangers. Besides perhaps making you giggle to yourself at first, does it alter your perception of them? I know it did for me and I hope it does the same for you!

I hope you have fun with this. Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

Up in the Air

2010-04-24T11:55:00.002-05:00

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! On a plane coming home from a business trip, I watched a movie called, “Up in the Air” starring George Clooney. It’s a pretty good movie with some good messages, one of which I’d like to discuss today.

The premise of the movie is about a man, Ryan Bingham (played by Clooney) who is a professional corporate downsizer. He works for a company that is called in to fire people. His job keeps him traveling around the country almost year round. This life style of self imposed isolation is one that Bingham embraces.

During one part of the movie, where he is teaching a new coworker about smart travel, he states, “Never get behind old people. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love 'em.” His coworker responds, “That’s stereotyping.” Bingham responds,” I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.”

This dialogue in the movie made me smile because it had such a ring of truth to it. We like to place people and things into proverbial “bins” with labels so that we don’t’ have to think beyond the label we’ve given them. We assume they are all the same and that makes life easier for us. Many times, we even place ourselves in these bins because then we “belong” somewhere. If I say, “I am a liberal or a conservative” then I have a “team”. I have a crowd I am following and if I get too tired to think for myself, I’ll just listen to what they tell me to think.

While stereotyping can make some things “faster” it also is harmful to our sense of connectivity to the rest of the world. The reason I particularly enjoyed this interaction between Bingham and his coworker is because I thought it went deeper than just showing her how to travel efficiently. It was also very telling of the life of isolation he had built for himself. Stereotyping fragments life. It disconnects things from each other and us from other things. It promotes “you” vs. “me” and ”us” vs. “them”.

We do this even with our days, don’t we? When I ask someone how they are doing and they sigh and say, “Well, it’s ‘Monday’”, that person has put Mondays in a bin. I often wonder what it would be like if we had no names for the days. What if there was no such thing as “Mondays” and we actually just looked at each day as its own separate wonderful day…a day where anything can happen?

The truth of the matter is, just as each moment is precious and unique, so are we. As author Dan Millman states, “There are No Ordinary Moments”. I would add there are no ordinary people, animals, or days or anything! Everything has its own magic that is just waiting for us to discover it.

For today, I dare you to be aware of instances where you might be stereotyping. You might think to yourself, “I don’t discriminate.” Stereotyping and discrimination are not exactly the same although discrimination does begin by stereotyping. Discrimination is stereotyping taken to an evil extreme. It’s really more about the unfair treatment of people you’ve placed in a particular “bin”. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so important to be mindful of those bins!

For now, simply be aware of those instances as they occur. Don’t judge yourself. Just calling attention to certain things and shining a light on them is sometimes enough to start turning them around. In doing this exercise myself, I was really surprised to see how many times I found myself doing this. As I caught myself, I would smile and say, “There it is.”

Thanks for reading today and for daring to dare!

Less and More

2010-04-21T22:24:00.003-05:00

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! I created the drawing above based on a Swedish proverb that I recently came across. I love the simplicity of these practices and carry this picture with me as a reminder of these basic principles.

It’s funny to me how we often try to complicate our lives. I sometimes catch myself whining about something and, in a moment of lucidity, laugh and think, “Really? Is that the best you’ve got?” Usually at that point, I can let it go but I am always amazed how I can work myself up into thinking that the “crisis-du-jour” is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. The basic principles that make up the branches of the tree above help to keep me grounded.

For me, the challenging part is detaching from a particular situation enough to observe myself from the outside so that I can apply these principles. This takes practice! When I am in the middle of a grand ol’ “whine session” it’s sometimes hard to snap out of it. It’s very much like lucid dreaming. For those not familiar with lucid dreaming, essentially, it means being in a dream yet being aware that you are dreaming. When I was younger, I was very good at waking up within my dreams and controlling the events that occurred. It was a lot of fun but took a lot of practice to get to that point.

To master the ability of detaching yourself from events also takes a lot of practice and, even once you are able to do this, you may find yourself making a conscious decision to remain stuck in the situation. When this occurs, view it as a step forward because YOU are the one deciding rather than not having any control of the situation at all.

For today, I dare you to write down these practices (or copy this picture) and carry them with you. Pull them out several times throughout the day and allow them to help you observe yourself from the outside, detached from all events. Place them in front of you as you eat to remind yourself to chew more and eat less. If you watch the news (something I highly discourage), remind yourself to fear less and hope more. The media exists to scare us into submission. Hope more! As you interact with people, remind yourself to talk less and love more.

These simple practices have really helped me to realize much peace in my life and I hope you find they do the same for you.

Thank you for reading today and daring to dare!

Congratulations!

2010-04-20T07:51:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to send out a quick congratulations to readers Kim and Traci for winning the "I Dare You" book by William Danforth.

Hope you enjoy ladies!

Another post coming soon!

RIP

2010-03-30T22:09:00.005-05:00

"I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones." --John Peel

Hi and welcome back to "A Dare a Day!" Just a quick reminder that Friday April 2 will be the drawing for the free copy of "I Dare You" by William Danforth. Please read the previous post for details on how to get your free copy!

Today's post is going to be short and sweet. I am currently taking a wonderful writing workshop that posts daily writing prompts and creative journaling exercises for the participants. Today's prompt asked us to think about some things that are preventing us from realizing our dreams. The facilitator challenged us to create a way to celebrate the end of these things. Since I truly believe that all of our experiences are valuable, I don't view any experience as "wasted". I think if we learn from our experiences, they can be perfect ground for creating something even better.

The picture at the top of this post is what I created to depict the end of my own obstacles. The flowers represent what I hope to grow from my past experiences.

For today, I dare you to list at least four things (more if you'd like!) that you are to allow "laying to rest" because they are preventing you from becoming the person you want to be. Are you watching too much TV? Are you ignoring your health? What things are keeping you from your goals? Get creative with this and draw it, color it, paint it, sculpt it, whatever you do, just do it! Once you're done, keep it out somewhere to remind yourself of your intentions. This was a ton of fun for me so I hope you enjoy this as well!

Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

I Dare You!

2010-03-15T20:42:00.013-05:00

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day’! As noted in my previous blog entry, this month marks the two year anniversary of this blog. I have had so much fun writing this and appreciate all the great comments I’ve received over the last couple of years.

As some of you may know, this blog was primarily inspired by William Danforth (1870-1956) who was the founder of the Ralston Purina Company. He wrote an amazing book that I happened to pick up at a flea market a few years ago for $3. The name of the book is I Dare You. It probably sat on my shelf for a year or so before I decided to pick it up and read it. It's a short book and, since it was written around 1930, is a bit "dated", but the energy that emanates from it is incredible!

Ralston Purina's checkerboard logo evolved from a personal development concept Danforthintroduced in his book I Dare You. Danforth proposed that four key components, which he called "Physical", "Mental", "Social" and "Spiritual", need to be in balance in order to be healthy. He illustrated this principle by using a square divided into four smaller, equal squares. "Physical" he placed in the upper left corner, "Mental" in the upper right, "Social" in the lower right and "Spiritual" in the bottom left. A healthy individual was one who did not sacrifice any of the components to the benefit of the others, but rather kept them all equal and in balance. The concept became intertwined with the company in 1921 when it began selling feed that was pressed into cubes called "checkers".

The writing in the book is very powerful and, despite having read it now several times over the last couple of years, I find myself equally moved by it each time. There is something about a dare that stirs something within us. It challenges that primal part of our being that strives to live up to that which we were made for; in other words, our purpose…..our higher selves.

We have to remember that everything is a choice. Deciding to go to the job you say you hate is absolutely your choice. Staying in a relationship that is dysfunctional is a choice. Deciding not to exercise or take care of yourself is a choice. If your past choices in the physical, mental, social, and spiritual aspects your life have not supported “the best that is in you” recognize that you made those choices doing the best you could at that time. Don’t berate yourself about it. Now, however, you know better and have the ability to make different choices, so do it! One of my favorite authors, Patti Digh, often states, “You are not broken and don’t need to be fixed.” I absolutely agree because I believe that thinking of yourself as “broken” is disempowering. Our choices are our own to make.

In an excerpt from his book, Mr. Danforth states, “Once you dare, you stop drifting with the crowd and face life courageously, life takes on a new significance. New forces take shape within you. New powers harness themselves for your service. To develop your gifts to the largest possible use –that’s your dare. You have a wealth of possibilities, but maybe up to this time, you have lacked a definite aim. You have a gun and plenty of ammunition. Now I dare you to aim at something worthy of the best that is in you.” I hear people complain almost daily about their jobs or situations they are in and yet do nothing to try and align themselves with what it is that they do want. So for today, I am daring you to follow William Danforth’s advice: “take aim at something worthy of the best that is in you.”

For me, I love writing and over the past year, have taken several workshops in support of the writer within me. I have also started to concentrate on my health and am looking for a sport that will keep me active and moving. I have also made daily meditation a habit which supports me spiritually and mentally. What does the best within you look like?

No celebration is complete without some gifts! So for this two year anniversary bash, I will be giving away two brand new copies of Danforth’s book I Dare You to two readers of my blog (within the U.S only, sorry!) who comment with a physical, mental, social, or spiritual dare they have established for themselves and describe what their best looks like. For example, maybe you want to improve in the area of giving (social awareness). You might say, “My best is someone who not only donates money but donates time, particularly to children.” You don’t have to have an absolute plan for how to become that person. You just have know that’s who you want to be.

I will draw the two winners on Friday, April 2nd. Please leave a comment with your response to the dare and email me with your contact information (click on my profile for my email address) so that I can contact you if you are one of the lucky winners!

I hope you have fun with this and I look forward to hearing from you and giving away this wonderful book that has changed my life in so many ways! I know it will do the same for you. Thanks for reading and daring to dare!

Everything's Zen

2010-02-16T22:29:00.005-06:00

"When you are eating, just eat; when you are walking, just walk; when you drive, just drive.That is Zen." --Zen Master Soen Sa Nim

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day weekend. I had a super weekend. I attended a virtual retreat which lasted Friday through Sunday and featured some wonderful speakers. I’ll be sharing some of what I learned from the speakers with you over the next few posts but one of my biggest learning moments came from simply being present at the retreat. As I mentioned, the retreat was virtual (we called in for each workshop). One of the things the organizer of the retreat suggested to us was that we put everything else aside and allow ourselves to simply be present. I, for one, have a hard time just doing one thing at a time. I think that’s true for a lot of people. We live in a time where multitasking is rewarded. I made a promise to myself that I would not check Facebook, emails, Twitter, or anything else while on a call and I have to be honest with you, it was really tough. I had to stand up several times. I closed my eyes several times, and just got fidgety trying to not do anything else. The speakers were awesome and very interesting so it wasn’t that I was bored at all. I took plenty of notes and had several profound “a-ha” moments. I think my restlessness just stemmed from the habit of not allowing myself to be fully present. This reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, “The way you do anything is the way you do everything.” A similar quote states, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

So to work on allowing myself to be fully present in any given moment, I have started observing myself in every activity I undertake. One of the activities I have observed is how I behave while driving. I noticed that while driving, I tend to get really upset when I see someone driving badly with little regard for others. I found that it puts me in a really bad mood. This was an important observation for me because I realized that I am probably doing this in other areas of my life too. I remember someone at work telling me one time that if they say, “Good morning” to someone who does not return the greeting, she would be in a bad mood the whole day. I thought to myself at the time, “That is terrible to give someone else that much power over you” but really, I am doing the same by allowing people who make poor decisions on the road influence my day.

As I continued to observe myself in this activity, I paid attention to how I felt in my body and mainly, I was tense. I found myself focusing more on the bad drivers than on the good ones, which was interesting because there again, I wondered how often I place my attention on my blessings rather than my challenges?

This objective observation of my activities has given me a great deal of insight into myself. It’s given me some things to consider about where I choose to put my focus.

For today, I dare you to pick an activity that you do regularly (daily if possible) and objectively observe how you behave in that situation. It’s really important (important enough to bold!) not to judge yourself because you are not a bad person; you are only doing what you have gotten in the habit of doing.

The good news is, habits can be tweaked to fit the direction in which we choose to go. If you pick the activity of driving, for example, be aware of how your body feels. Are you tense like I often find myself? Do you go with the flow or are you always in a hurry? Do you multitask while driving? Do you easily forgive others who share the road with you when they don’t always do the right thing? Do you respond with compassion or a not-so-friendly hand gesture? These are all bits of information that can be very useful to you in seeing where some patterns might be repeating themselves in other areas of your life. Some people seem to move from job to job or relationship to relationship but repeat the same patterns over and over, never realizing that nothing will change until their own thought patterns change.

I hope you find this exercise as insightful as I have. I continue doing this daily in almost every activity I engage in.

A couple of last minute notes. I would like to mention that I have a special event coming up in March to commemorate the two-year anniversary of this blog and to also show some love and gratitude to you all for the wonderful emails and comments I’ve received over the years. I’m very excited about it so be on the lookout for more details!

Also, you may have noticed the new layout. I thought it was time for a change. Many thanks to my awesome partner and editor, Larissa for help with this! Additionally, I’ve added a Facebook page this week which you will see a link to on the right side of this page. If you are a member of Facebook, I would love to have you fan the page. You can also follow me on twitter at Twitter.com/Vick12.

Thanks for reading today and for daring to dare!

Jealousy

2010-02-10T20:35:00.005-06:00

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." --Harold Coffin

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. I’ve been reading a book by Julia Cameron called “The Artist’s Way”, which is an awesome book for anyone interested in reawakening your creative self, whether or not you consider yourself an “artist” or not. I believe we are all creative in our own ways. Some of us allow ourselves to express it and others repress it for whatever reasons. If you are interested in getting back in touch with your creative self, this is definitely one book that will help you do that.

One of the concepts the author discusses centers on the human emotion of jealousy and how it can be a useful emotion if you examine it honestly and understand it’s basis in your life. We all get jealous of different people and for different reasons, but if you take a step back and reflect honestly upon it, you may be surprised by what this emotion is trying to tell you.

Jealousy is useful in pointing out your own misalignments. For one, it is a very “stingy” emotion in that it does not acknowledge the abundance of the universe. It essentially says, “There is only ‘x’ amount of this and if someone else is getting it, I can’t get mine.”

Additionally, it misdirects us from our goals because when we focus on jealousy, we move our attention from our own path and place it on someone or something else.

For today, I dare you to recognize when jealousy rears its head in your life and ask yourself these questions:

Am I jealous because someone is doing something that I’m afraid to do myself?
Am I masking a fear that I will be unable to get what I want out of life?
Does someone else seem to be getting something that I feel should be rightfully mine?

Take some time to journal a few words about what it is that you are feeling and why. Are you stuck in first gear in achieving your own goals? What action(s) can you take right now, as small as it may seem, that can put you more in alignment with respect to your own goals and dreams?

Thank you for reading today and daring to dare!

Why is God Laughing?

2010-01-31T21:27:00.011-06:00

“To be enlightened, you must travel lightly.” –Mike Myers in his Foreword to Deepak Chopra’s “Why is God Laughing?”

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! I just finished reading Deepak Chopra’s book, “Why is God Laughing?” It’s a great little book that’s a very easy read. Essentially, it’s about a successful comedian named Mickey Fellowes who begins his journey towards spiritual enlightenment after his father passes away suddenly. It’s packed with some great principles, a few of which I’d love to share with you today.

You are not a person searching for his soul. You are a soul playing the part of a person. It’s so easy to get caught up in our daily roles. We play the roles of spouse, mother, father, son, daughter, employee, etc. Find the part of you that lies beyond those roles. That is your soul. One way to do this is through quiet contemplation and meditation. Silence is very profound. Learn to embrace it.

God sees only gold. In the book, there is the story of a gold ring, gold nugget, and a gold signet seal arguing over which one of them was better than the other. When they ask God to settle their dispute, he responds, “I don’t see a ring, a nugget, and a seal. All I see is gold.” No matter what roles we play, God created everything living and he sees us all as gold. Do you?

Laughter = Pain + Time + Distance (detachment). One of my all-time favorite shows is Seinfeld. I realize that I love this show so much because there is such an element of truth about it. The characters get themselves into situations that can be painful to watch and yet we laugh because we are detached from them through our TV sets. Learn to observe yourself and the things that upset you throughout the day. How much of this can you step back and laugh at? Is it really that important?

Whatever you focus on grows. I remember as a young teen in driver’s education class, my instructor advising us on how to drive with bright headlights coming toward you. He said, “Look at the yellow line on the right side of the street away from the lights. Don’t look into the lights or on the side of the street where that car is coming from because your tendency will be to drift that way.” Are your eyes on obstacles coming your way or are they on the path that guides you?

Happiness based on a reason can be snatched away from you at any moment. In the book, the lead character, Mickey Fellowes realizes that he has based a good part of his happiness on the material things that have come as the result of his success. Those things can be taken away at any moment. True happiness isn’t based on money or other people. That kind of happiness can only come from within.

Be everywhere. In one part of the book, Mickey begins to feel his connection to everything while sitting outside just observing what’s going on around him. He looks up at the sky and thinks, “I am the sky.” He looks at the ocean and thinks, “I am the ocean.” Chopra writes, “It was like being let out of a cage into an eternity that extended in all directions.” See yourself in everything and see everything in you.

Ask for openness. This principle is related to the idea of “allowing”. Instead of reacting to things that happen in your life and praying for a specific result, just allow it to unfold as it should. Chopra sites a famous composer who was once asked about his secret for writing hit songs. The composer’s response was, “Wait, drift, obey.” Learn to trust.

Test your alignment. Throughout the day, ask yourself these questions:

Am I acting easily without struggle?

Do I enjoy what I am doing?

Are results coming on their own accord?

Chopra explains, “The soul’s vision isn’t about struggle and lack of results. It isn’t about failure. You only need to measure your actions against the three simple conditions. If you can answer ‘yes’ to these questions, you are headed in the right direction. All three requirements must work together if you want to experience the happiness God intended.”

For the next eight days, I dare you to focus on one principle each day and find a way to incorporate it into your life. I would also highly recommend picking up a copy of this book and reading it. I only captured a few of the things that stood out for me. There are, no doubt many more things you can pick up from this book. These principles are wrapped up in a very entertaining story that’s hard to put down.

As always, I am truly grateful for those who read this blog. Thanks for daring to dare!

Life's Most Urgent Question

2010-01-18T21:19:00.004-06:00

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today is the celebration of Martin Luther King’s birthday and I want to get straight to my challenge, which is based on the question Dr. King calls “life’s most urgent question”: “What are you doing for others?” So many times we look for what other people can do for us, but how many times do we truly reflect on what we are doing for other living beings on this planet. A check in the mail to your favorite charity is great, but that’s not an “everyday” thing for most people.

For this week, in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday, I dare you to find one thing every day to do for someone else. Buy a cup of coffee for a stranger (I am fond of this one and plan to do it as I drive through my local Starbucks on my way to work); pick up the phone and call a relative; send a letter of gratitude to a friend, family member, or colleague; encourage someone….anything you can do to make life better for one living being, even if only for a moment. One of my friends has a habit of buying the cashier who checks out her groceries a candy bar. I love that! Small, random acts of kindness are catchy too. If you have seen the movie “Pay it Forward”, you know just what I mean. If you haven’t seen that movie, I STRONGLY recommend it.

Should you choose to accept this challenge (and I hope you will!), I also would like for you to pay attention to how it makes you feel. The great thing about giving is that it feeds your own soul. Feel how great it feels and it will make you want to do more. It feels good for a reason: because you are most like God (Source) when you give. God does not know lack or scarcity. God can only give, and in giving to others we become most like our Source.

I know you will enjoy this challenge. Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T20:03:00.011-06:00

“The world's a playground. You know that when you are a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it. “ –From the Movie "Yes Man"

Hi! Welcome back to “A Dare a Day” and Happy New Year’s Day, my friends!

First, I would like to express a big “Thank You” to those of you who have been following this blog and have emailed me your comments and experiences with the dares we’ve undertaken together. I can’t believe it’s been almost two years now since I’ve been writing this blog, but March 19, 2010 will be the two year anniversary of the first blog entry I wrote. We’ll have to make sure to have an extra special dare on that day! So, thank you for your good vibes and words of encouragement. I really appreciate them and reflect upon them often. I'd also like to thank my partner in life who is also my editor, Larissa. Her loving support and awesome grammar have allowed me to throw my thoughts on a page which she "makes pretty" for me.

So today is New Year’s Day and, if you are like millions of people all over the world, you may have made a New Year’s resolution or two last night. Resolutions can be fun and are usually made with the best of intentions but the truth is that most resolutions are quickly abandoned within the first couple of weeks. In contemplating some of my own failed attempts, I identified two primary reasons I was unable to sustain my resolutions. These two reasons can ultimately be reduced down to one core reason, which I will explain in a moment.

The first reason I identified for failed resolutions is that I tend to make my promises too big. You may recall the “It’s too big” excuse I referenced in my last blog entry. If you’ve been smoking for twenty years and vow to quit, that is a very big goal. I don’t want to say it’s impossible because I’ve known a few people who have been able to go “cold turkey” and quit, but the majority haven’t been able to just stop. Therefore, once the sheer enormity of this goal is realized, even the most well intended people give up on their resolution.

Secondly, I succumb to “all-or-nothing” thinking. I tell myself that I have to do it perfectly; otherwise, I’ve failed. When I attended Dr. Wayne Dyer’s Excuses Be Gone! Workshop in Maui a few months ago, one of the things he discussed was the importance of maintaining a healthy body. One of the ways he talked about maintaining a healthy body was by eliminating sugar. He went on to talk for a few minutes about what it does to your body and how it contributes to belly fat, which is one of the leading causes of heart attacks, diabetes and several other health issues.. The next day, he asked for a show of hands from the audience as to how many people eliminated sugar for the rest of the previous day after hearing him discuss the effect it has on our bodies. Several people raised their hands. He congratulated them and there was a round of applause. He then asked how many at least thought about the ill effects of sugar on the body but decided to have the sugar anyway. More people raised their hands to a few ashamed giggles (Ok, yes, I was one in that group!). Dr. Dyer then said, “You should be congratulated too because really, would you have even thought about it before we discussed it yesterday? The fact that you even thought about it indicates the beginnings of a ‘shift’ in thinking for which you should be commended. First the shift must occur and then the action will follow.”

This really resonated with me because, in contemplating my own “all-or-nothing-thinking” I have come to realize that I don’t allow myself to make mistakes when it comes to my goals or give myself enough credit for my own shifts in thinking that support those goals. In his book, You: On a Diet, Dr. Mehmet Oz discusses this concept using the analogy of a navigation system. He states, "Listen, when you're driving along on the road and you missed your turn, the GPS doesn't berate you, right? It says at the next available moment, make an authorized U-turn. What's the big deal?”

For me, then, the bottom line -- that one “core reason” I mentioned above as to why I have been unable to keep resolutions – is that my two primary excuses, “it’s too big” and “all or nothing thinking”, make pursuing my goal not fun for me anymore. They are “fun-zappers”. When I make my goal impossible to reach by making it this enormous task and then, on top of that, tell myself that no u-turns are allowed and that I must do it perfectly, how can that be fun?

I started thinking about two areas I wanted to work on this year, writing more often and improving my health. In contemplating how much fun I am currently bringing to those two areas, the answer I came up with was, “Not much”. Therefore, bringing more fun to these two areas of my life is what I have resolved to do for this year.

Now the question becomes, “How do I do that?” Motivational speaker Tony Robbins talks about this in his “Personal Power” series and suggests asking yourself the question, “How can I accomplish and have the most fun doing it?” I think that’s a great question because even though I may not know the answer immediately, it gives my brain something to work on even if it’s at a subconscious level.

Think about letting a child run loose in a gym. Children are so intrigued with the equipment they run and try to play with everything. It’s funny to think that, just fifteen or twenty years later, that same kid will be complaining about having to work out. Wouldn’t it be great if we could maintain that sense of awe every time we walked in a gym?

So for today, I dare you to think about one area in your life that you have decided to work on this year and ask yourself how you can bring more fun to it. With respect my goals (writing and health), I’ve already started doing some things differently. For one, with my writing, I’ve become fascinated with the haiku genre. They are so fun to write and keep my pen moving! I also have started writing stories, which is also a lot of fun for me.

With respect to my health, my girlfriend and I bought some interactive video games designed to get us moving while having fun. In playing one the other day, we both must’ve done about a hundred squats without even realizing it. That’s the kind of exercise we are both more apt to stick to!

Remember, life is a playground. It’s supposed to be fun so don’t beat yourself up for any seemingly “wrong” turns. I don’t believe in “wrong” turns anyway. It’s all just life. Have fun and I will talk to you again very soon. Much love and blessings for this New Year!

The Sacred Seven

2009-12-17T06:54:00.007-06:00

"All or nothing thoughts

lead to nothing getting done.

Do what you can now."

--My Haiku

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today I want to talk about something that I’ve been struggling to overcome for a long time particularly in certain areas of my life -- “all-or-nothing” thinking.

“All-or-nothing” thinking is a very common mindset that people, including me, like to hide behind. It essentially says, “If I can’t do it all, then why bother?”

In his book Excuses Be Gone! Dr. Wayne Dyer identifies this as one of the top excuses people use to not pursue their goals. He calls this the, “It’s too big” excuse. One of the points that Dr. Dyer makes in his explanation of the excuse is that we think of successful people as “big thinkers” when in fact, he points out the successful people have a knack for thinking “small” or breaking down their big vision into small, manageable pieces.

When I think about the things in my life that I have accomplished successfully, I realize that I have accomplished them because I have broken them down into smaller doable pieces. When looked at too closely, the whole it can be very overwhelming.

For example, several years ago I completed my Master’s degree in business. Having received my Bachelor’s degree in music, I knew I had a lot of classes to make up and a big test to take (GMAT) before I could even get there. Looking back, I realize that I was able to complete my degree by immediately thinking in terms of short milestones. Then, once school started, I simply viewed one semester at a time. Each semester was a short term goal. If I put my focus on how long it was going to take or what I would have to do to get there, I would’ve probably never even started.

A few weeks ago, I was watching a show on the Discovery Health channel in which a well-known doctor was attempting to help six very overweight people lose weight. One of the challenges he had with them was trying to get them into the habit of exercising. He was talking to one man who did not like the thought of working out 30-60 minutes every day. The doctor then asked him, “Can you just do it for seven minutes a day for the next week? That’s all, just seven minutes.” Why the doctor chose seven minutes I’m not exactly sure but that really struck a chord with me. I thought about three things that I’ve been putting off due to “all-or-nothing” thinking and pledged seven minutes a day to each for the following week. That’s twenty-one minutes total time each day. I decided my goals were certainly worth that!

The three things I identified for me were writing, exercising, and meditating. I have been doing all three to some degree but not as consistently as I have wanted to because I thought, “If I can’t spend at least thirty minutes on these, what’s the use?” This thinking then leads to the “I don’t have the time excuse.” Excuses love to feed off each other!

In the beginning, my “all-or-nothing” thinking was very stubborn and a voice in my head kept saying to me, “You’re just wasting your time if you don’t go for at least thirty minutes.” I really had to work to silence that voice.

A few months ago, I was reading a book by a famous personal trainer. One of the lines from the book said something to the extent of, “If you can’t workout at least 30-90 minutes a day, it’s not worth lacing up your shoes.” I was blown away by this line because this can be very discouraging to someone just starting out. This is exactly the kind of thinking that keeps butts on couches!

Taking action, even a little at a time but consistently builds a momentum that helps you to form the habits necessary to reach your goals. No time spent towards a goal is EVER wasted. Even if it’s something that moves you in the wrong direction, you still learned something from it.

For today, I dare you to pledge seven minutes a day over the next week towards one goal you have put on a shelf simply because you fooled yourself into thinking that you don’t have the time. I like “seven minutes” because it’s enough to feel like you have accomplished something but not so much that it’s overwhelming. It’s doable and, if it’s not doable for you then start at five minutes. Just do it every day. That’s the key.

Once the habit is formed and the “all-or-nothing” choir in your head has been silenced, you can experiment with more time if you feel you are ready or add another goal. I have moved up to twenty minutes or so on the treadmill every morning which is something just a month ago, I would’ve sworn I didn’t have the time for. By the way, the treadmill is preceded by twenty minutes of writing and followed by 15 minutes of meditation every morning as well. If you would have told me a few weeks ago that I would be waking up to write, exercise, and meditate before work, I would not have believed you for a minute.

One other note, because I have worked up to twenty minutes for exercise, I have made sure to give myself permission to go back to only seven minutes if I feel that I don’t have the twenty minutes in me on any given day. Again, it’s not so much the time but the daily commitment to building the habit.

I hope you find as much success with this as I have. I call this my “Sacred Seven” and have felt extremely empowered since implementing it into my life because I feel like I am working every day on the things that are important to me.

Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

Haiku Mind

2009-11-24T21:46:00.006-06:00

"There is no enlightenment outside of daily life." --Thich Naht Hanh

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day! Today I want to talk about the concept of a “Haiku mind”.

For those not familiar with “haiku”, essentially it is a very old form of poetry that contains a total of seventeen syllables. The syllables are divided into three phrases, in which the first phrase has five syllables, the second phrase seven, and the third phrase five.. There are some variations, but that is the basic structure. Many haiku relate to nature. I have been interested in this genre of poetry for about a year now and even formed a page on Facebook called “Haiku You”.

Just a few days ago, I was shopping for a candle with my girlfriend and came across a book called Haiku Mind by Patricia Donegan. I flipped it open, read a few excerpts and immediately headed with it to the cashier because I knew I had to own it. The book is a compilation 108 haiku from various authors, written on various themes such as compassion, patience, adversity, etc. The author explains that the reason she chose 108 is because “it is an auspicious number in Buddhist thought, as there are 108 difficulties to overcome in order to be awakened.” Each haiku is followed by a short 1-2 page reflection on the poem. It’s a wonderful read because you don’t need to read it front to back. You can just pick it up and flip to a random poem and reflection. I think I read the whole thing in just a couple of days because I loved it so much!

There are a couple of things I love about Haiku poetry. First, I love the structure. In fact, I wrote a haiku about that:

Longing for structure

And yet longing to be free.

Life’s a paradox.

There is something about the structure that just stirs up my creativity!

Second, I love the rawness of the poems. Haiku tends to capture a moment in time and reduce it to its purest and rawest form. As author Patricia Donegan states, “[It is] a crystalline moment of heightened awareness.”

I have many clear memories of my life, as I’m sure many of you do. As I reflect back on my clearest memories, I recall them easily because I was so in the moment at the time that my brain almost took a picture. I call these “freeze frame” moments. They are not necessarily big events in my life, but are simply instances where I was at such a heightened awareness that the memory has stayed with me. For example, as I was writing this blog, I looked over and saw my dog sleeping next to a sock of mine that she had pulled out of the laundry. She loves stealing our socks. She doesn’t chew them but likes to hide them in her sleeping area. I wrote the following:

I look at my dog

And know she’s a piece of God

Who loves to hide socks.

Our lives are about moments, and the more we live in the moment the more connected we become to everything around us. So many times when I misplace something, I realize that I didn’t “forget” where I left it as much as I simply was not in the moment when I put it down.

For today, I dare you to write one haiku every day for the next week that captures the essence of something that may seem ordinary on the surface. Although the moment may seem mundane, I truly believe there are no ordinary moments in life. Each one is precious and deserves to be lived to the fullest. Haiku is one very fun way to practice daily mindfulness. For more examples, feel free to visit my Facebook page via the link provided. One word of caution….these can be VERY addictive so don’t be surprised if you find yourself thinking in seventeen syllables!

Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

Us and Them

2009-11-10T22:09:00.003-06:00

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

--Mother Teresa

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! My girlfriend Larissa and I just got back from a weeklong trip to Maui, Hawaii. We scheduled the trip primarily to attend Dr. Wayne Dyer’s “Excuses Be Gone!” workshop and then stayed a few extra days to see some sights and enjoy the beautiful island.

The workshop was awesome, as we expected. Dr. Dyer had come down with the flu just prior to the event and almost had to cancel but he stuck it out and was simply wonderful. We were also treated to a discussion with Ram Dass, who is another contemporary spiritual teacher and author of several books including the spiritual classic, “Remember, Be Here Now.” Above is a picture I took with him at the workshop. Holding his hand, I felt such a great sense of peace. He is truly a beautiful man.

Outside of the workshop, Maui was every bit as gorgeous as you can imagine. My girlfriend and I have traveled to some awesome places but this was the first place that I can say literally took my breath away. Additionally, the people are very friendly and inviting, and not just at the popular tourist spots. Our experience was that the people just seemed happy.

One of the things I wanted to focus on for myself when I visited Hawaii was to place my attention on feeling the oneness of everything. I try to do this a lot at home but really wanted to spend extra time on it in Hawaii since I knew I would be seeing some new things. Whenever I encountered new and different things: the ocean, the beautiful vibrant green land, animals and other people; I consciously reminded myself that the same energy that flowed through everything was also in me. I think this is one of the reasons I was really able to feel that sense of awe despite having visited some other truly amazing places in the past. I told my girlfriend several times, “I feel so small” but I didn’t mean it in a negative way. I meant that I could sense I was part of something much larger than myself. In other words, I could feel I belonged to everything and everything belonged to me because we are all a part of the same Source.

Having been to such an amazing place and having felt such a deep spiritual connection during my experience, I contemplated the fact that any source of conflict that occurs usually stems from buying into the “us vs. them” mentality. There is a Native American saying that says, “No tree has branches foolish enough to fight amongst each other.” Humans, however, are a different story.

The thing with humans is that we aren’t born thinking we are separate from everything; we are cultured to think that way. All wars and acts of terrorism stem from “us vs. them” and, as nature illustrates so perfectly for us, this is not in our God nature. When “us vs. them” stops, terrorism and war will stop. Strife only begets strife. I recently saw one of the saddest bumper stickers I have ever encountered. It read, “Give war a chance.” That really just blows my mind because the history books very much illustrate that we’ve given war plenty of “chances”. Even more sadly, when I’ve encountered this bumper sticker, it’s usually stuck next to a “My kid goes to .”

In the book, “A Course in Miracles”, written by the Foundation for Inner Peace, the authors state, “The Wholeness of God, which is His peace, cannot be appreciated except by a whole mind that recognizes the wholeness of God’s creation.” They continue, “Projection and attack are inevitably related, because projection is always a means of justifying attack. Anger without projection is impossible.”

“Peace” doesn’t mean we can’t hold different opinions or opposing beliefs. What it does mean is that when we recognize and allow the other branches on the tree of life to grow, we can live in harmony. We belong to each other. We all grow from the same tree of life. I have several very close friends and family members who hold very different political and spiritual beliefs than I do but we love and respect each other just the same. In other words, there is no “them”, there is only “us”.

In Hawaii, I was able to deeply connect to the oneness of the beauty around me. I was privileged enough to swim side by side with a beautiful sea turtle and felt so connected to God. It’s not always easy, however, to feel that sense of oneness in people who make us angry or who we feel have wronged us. That’s where the challenge lies. Sea turtles are easy. Can you feel oneness with the guy who just gave you a hand gesture in traffic?

For today, I dare you to identify one issue in your own life for which you have established an “us vs. them” mentality. After identifying it, turn your attention away from the “them” and toward finding commonalities that will bring you closer to “us”. They’re there.

In closing, today I read a quote by author Sidney Sheldon that sums up this concept perfectly: ”Do not judge strangers harshly. Remember that every stranger you meet is you.”

As always, thanks for reading and daring to dare!

Calling An Audible

2009-10-07T22:10:00.005-05:00

“I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.” --Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. I’ve been going through a few “growing pains” recently with respect to a couple of things going on in my life that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would. After my initial disappointment with these situations, I decided to meditate on what I was dealing with to see if I could find some peace.

As I meditated, I got a picture in my head of a football team lining up at the line of scrimmage to run a play. I was about to push that thought out of my head thinking that it was a stray thought that had come to visit (inspired by my 4-0 fantasy football record thank you very much! LOL) but instead, I let it play out a little more. As the scene unfolded in my head, I realized that I was in that picture. I was lining up at the receiver position waiting for the ball to be snapped.

I was looking over at the quarterback who was moving his hands around and redirecting traffic after seeing something in the defense he didn’t like. If you aren’t very familiar with football, this is called an “audible”. That is, although a play was called in the huddle, the quarterback may decide to switch the play at the line if he sees that the defense may be lined up unfavorably for that particular call.

As the play unfolded, I ran a deep route and looked over my shoulder to see the ball coming right down into my hands. I scampered in for the touchdown.

It was then I realized exactly what I was being shown. In this situation, God was my quarterback and I was a receiver. Sometimes, we may have a “play” (plan) set ready to run with expectations of how it will turn out. In a previous blog entry, I mentioned a long-term relationship I was in that didn’t turn out at all as I had hoped. I hadn’t been happy for a while but yet felt too stuck to leave. While I didn’t know it at the time, God was calling an audible for me. Now I can see perfectly why the play was changed.

As the receiver, I have to trust and adjust. If I am trying to do what is right in any given situation, and yet it doesn’t seem to be working as I expected, that’s where I need to trust that Source (God) is looking out for me and just keep running deep. It will turn out exactly as it should.

For today, I dare you to “run deep”. Reflect on a situation going on in your life currently that isn’t turning out exactly as you might have wanted. Consider what the gift in the situation might be. As you may recall in my last blog entry, even getting shingles provided me with some gifts! As you think about your situation, visualize yourself in the receiver position waiting for God to adjust the play and then trust and adjust. This visualization helped me to find peace and move past any doubts I may have had about my ability to move on. I hope it does the same for you. Thanks for reading and daring to dare!

The Gift of Shingles

2009-09-29T21:00:00.004-05:00

Every challenge says,

“Look down a little deeper.

There’s a gift for you.”

--My Haiku

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. This past weekend, I had to go to the clinic because I wasn’t feeling well and had this really bad rash on my back. The doctor informed me that I had come down with shingles.

If you’re not familiar with shingles, it’s essentially the chicken pox coming back to visit. It’s very painful and has kept me out of work for a couple of days. I’ve had to be inside the house the whole time because sun exposure makes the symptoms worse.

After the first couple of days, I’ve learned to deal with the pain enough to consider what things I am learning from this experience. I truly believe that there are some great lessons to be learned in everything that happens to us so here are a few things I’m taking away from this so far.

1) Family and Friends are awesome! When I got sick, I received some great get well wishes from my family and friends. The emails and phone calls I received truly warmed my heart and it made me realize, how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by such wonderful people.

2) Slow down, will ya? Why it’s taken me so long to sit in front of the TV and just enjoy a Tom and Jerry cartoon? That is, truly enjoy it and not fold/iron clothes, work, text message, or anything else. Just sit down once in a while and enjoy the show! Why do I always seem to be in such a rush?

3) Take stock. I have a couple of friends who are currently dealing with life threatening diseases on a day-to-day basis. My girlfriend, Larissa, has several medical conditions that can leave her virtually incapacitated for days. While that doesn’t make my own illness any less, it certainly puts things into perspective. Take stock of what’s going right in your life!

4) I’m cool to hang out with. There was a time in my life when spending this much time alone confined at home would’ve driven my mad. Instead of brooding around the house feeling sorry for myself, I was able to focus on some things like reading, writing, and catching up on some of my favorite music. Realizing you’re cool to hang out with is an amazing feeling!

5) I love Judge Judy. Ok, this seems a bit random but I’ve got to say how much I love Judge Judy. I DVR this show every day but rarely have time to sit and enjoy her show. This woman has such an uncanny knack for squeezing the truth out of people! I just love her!

For today, I dare you to think about a challenge you are dealing with and put on your Judge Judy robe and squeeze out of it at least three positive aspects about the challenge. As Judge Judy says, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining either.” Really dig around and get to the good stuff! If you look hard enough, I promise it’s there.

Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

Write the Story

2009-08-22T11:19:00.005-05:00

“You are the author.

Every day you write the book.

What is your story?”

--Me

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. The above quote is a haiku I recently wrote that came to me as I thought about all of the seemingly small choices we make every day that truly make up the stories of our lives.

Life doesn’t happen in great big events. It happens in the small choices we make every day. In my last blog, I talked about the statue of David and how Michelangelo commented that David was already in the marble, he just chipped away the excess. It occurred to me that as Michelangelo chipped away at the marble he had some choices to make, didn’t he? No doubt, his alignment with his purpose provided him with some sense of guidance, just as we all feel when we are in alignment with our own purpose. Ultimately, however, we make choices.

While the idea that we always have choices can be liberating, it can also be a very scary thing. If I am the author of my own story, who can I blame if I don’t like the way the story is turning out? People tend to want to add “co-authors” to their books when they don’t like the story. “My parents made me this way”, “It’s my DNA”, “My father had a bad temper, that’s why I do too”, “Being overweight is hereditary”, “My ex made me scared of trusting anyone again” etc.

Ex-quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons (and current Philadelphia Eagles quarterback) Michael Vick was recently released from prison for dog fighting and cruelty to animals. He participated in the electrocution and drowning of several dogs. In an interview conducted shortly after his reinstatement into the NFL, he stated that his culture was partially to blame for his actions. Isn’t that easier than saying he knew right from wrong and made a terrible choice? Aren’t there plenty of others who grew up in that culture too but don’t make that choice?

We try to use these excuses as a way out of making a choice. If I was brought up a certain way or exposed to certain things as a child, it’s not my fault! In his book, “Excuses Be Gone!” by Dr. Wayne Dyer refers to these “mind viruses” as “memes” or preprogrammed beliefs that we use to excuse ourselves from the choices we make.

I am always blown away when people say that they need to pay bills or need to go to work. These are all choices we make. There are plenty of people who make the choices not to do those things. Realizing that you are the author of your own book and, even more importantly, the ONLY author of that book is the first step to changing your self-defeating choices or habits.

Have you ever tried to argue with someone who has made a choice not to argue with you? I was speaking to a family member yesterday about a point we did not agree on but I was determined not to argue. In the past, I would’ve defended my point at all costs, which usually resulted in an escalated family feud. He stated his point emphatically and I could feel he was just waiting for that one spark to fuel an argument but I simply stated, “That’s an interesting perspective. We all make our own choices. I guess we’ll have to see how that turns out.” My choice was peace.

For today, I dare you to focus on your choices and make a list of all the people in the past you’ve allowed to share the title page of your book with you…and I mean EVERYONE! For example, for years, I let my 7^th grade basketball coach write the chapter in my life that described the sad story of how I was discouraged from playing basketball and, therefore, never realized my dream of playing professionally. It is so much easier for me to tell that story than the story that I CHOOSE not to pursue that dream. The thing is, once I faced that reality and erased her from the “credits” I initially felt sad but then I felt much more empowered, realizing that these are my choices to make and not anyone else’s.

Alexander Pope once said, “Excuses are worse than lies because they are guarded lies.” Don’t guard those excuses anymore. Let go of them and realize that doing so puts the pen back in your hands. Thank you for reading today and for daring to dare!

David

2009-08-09T18:05:00.003-05:00

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it."

--Michelangelo

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. This morning, a friend of mine called me to tell me that Dr. Wayne Dyer’s PBS special “The Power of Intention” was on PBS. I hadn’t seen this in a while and being a huge fan of Wayne Dyer, I quickly got myself in front of the TV to watch it again. I love listening to Dr. Dyer speak because he is such a peaceful man and his speaking style reminds me of a quote I once read that said something like, “When you counsel someone, don’t lecture to him but, rather, speak to him as if you are only reminding him of something he has forgotten.” I love this quote and often remember it when a friend or family member seeks my advice about something going on in their life. I am never comfortable telling people what decisions they should make for themselves, but typically ask enough questions so that they can come up with their own truth. What I’ve found is that most people already know they answer; they just aren’t necessarily prepared to accept it. What I hope to accomplish by writing this blog is not to write an advice column but rather to share with you things that I am “remembering” along my own spiritual path in hopes that it will help you remember some things on yours.

Going back to Dr. Dyer’s PBS special, one of the concepts he discusses is that of seeing beauty in everything, beginning with ourselves. The premise of this concept is that God creates everything and everyone and there is nothing that does not have some element of beauty within it. It is true that the beauty is not always apparent, but it is there.

When Michelangelo created the statue of David, a masterpiece of Renaissance sculpture, he stated that David was already inside the marble, he just chipped away the excess to set the sculpture free. He believed that his job as a sculptor was to free the forms inside the marble. As sculptors of our own lives, it is our job to chip away the excess and discover the beauty within ourselves. Our culture tends to make us believe that we are all “broken” in some sense and need fixing. Nothing could be further from the truth. Chipping away excess to free the beauty inside is far different than being “broken”. It’s true that sometimes we make decisions that are not in alignment with our Source but, coming from Source, we cannot be anything but perfect. I love the analogy that Dr. Dyer uses of an orange. “If you squeeze an orange,” he states, “what do you get? Orange juice of course!” It’s the same thing with us and Source energy. When you “squeeze” us, only the perfection that is God can come out.

Chipping away the excess for me means getting rid of what I don’t need. I’ve mentioned in several past blog entries that I rarely watch the local news any longer because I don’t need it. I stay informed through headlines and quick news blurbs but I don’t need to hear story after story about how things are bad and only going to get worse. That to me is excess marble I don’t need. Television in general is also represents excess for me. I have some shows I love to watch but rarely plant myself in front of the TV for hours at a time. What represents the excess marble in your life? Are you addicted to TV? What about excess drinking or smoking?

What is amazing to me is that once I started to chip away the excess from my life, my life’s purpose began to become much clearer to me. That’s how I know I am truly onto something. I used to complain that I never had time to do things I truly love, such as exercising, writing, and reading. As I chipped away the excesses in my life, I am just amazed at how much “lost” time I have found.

For today, I dare you to make a list of the excess things in your life. Realize that all of these things keep the perfect sculpture that is you encased in the block of marble.

After you make your list, come up with a plan to minimize their impact on your life. Don’t try and go completely cold turkey on things that have really rooted themselves into your life but at least try and minimize them. Smoke one less cigarette; drink one less beer; watch one less hour of TV and read something inspirational instead. Celebrate your successes with this. Nothing is insignificant. Do not underestimate how even a small change in your life can have huge impact and do not be surprised if your life’s purpose starts to look just a little bit clearer once you start “chipping away”.

I look forward to hearing how this exercise works for you! Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

YES!!

2009-07-25T12:07:00.007-05:00

“For all that has been, ‘thanks’. For all that will be, ‘yes’.” --Dag Hammarskjold

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! It’s been a while since I’ve written anything but I haven’t been idle by any means! Some of you may recall that a few blog entries ago, I submitted my “Letter of Resignation” to that part of me that had been “sitting in idle” for a while. I had a list of things I wanted to do but just hadn’t gotten to them. I’m sure many people have a list like this but it seems to stay on paper (or in their heads), never to see the light of day.

To recap a little bit from my last few blog entries, the company I work for needed to eliminate some jobs and there was a lot of apprehension in the office as you can well imagine, and probably as some of you might even be experiencing. I really wasn’t apprehensive about it, however. The situation forced me to think about what my game plan would be should my job be eliminated. That’s when I came up with my “canned” list of things I had been putting off until I “had time”. And yes, I put “had time” in quotes because really, deep down I knew these were things I very well could’ve found the time to do if I really wanted to. My idleness was more about complacency than anything else.

So, the job eliminations came and went and I still have a job, but I’ve decided now that this “canned” list needs to stay out and be in front of me every day. I am not going to wait for another potentially life changing event to make this list happen. In fact, several have already started happening.

One of the things on my list was to write more…much more! So to assist me with breaking through some blocks I’ve had of my own, I signed up for an online workshop based on Patti Digh’s book, “Life is a Verb.” She and another life coach lead the class and we’ve only met twice thus far (it’s a six-month course), but I have already felt a lot of things changing for me.

One of these perspective changing realizations came for me when we discussed being able to say “yes” to ourselves. When I first heard this, it didn’t really resonate with me but as I thought about it throughout the following day, I started noticing how many times I say “no” to myself. Even in the times I did say “yes”, I felt guilty about it. Here are some examples of what I’m describing:

“I want to play my guitar but I shouldn’t because there’s laundry to do.”

“I want to play in a band again but can I really make that happen?”

“I’d love to sing that song but I can’t sing.”

“I want to paint but I can’t paint. I’ve never had any classes.”

“I want to go ghost hunting but why would a ghost hunting group want me on their team with no formal experience?”

“I want to write more but I am not a writer.”

Just look at how many “buts” there are in those thoughts, and these were just a few! One of the exercises Patti had us practice was saying “yes” to ourselves more often. For me, that really meant taking the sentences above and cutting off the “but…”, and then giving myself permission by adding the word “yes”. So here is what I have started focusing on telling myself now:

“I want to play my guitar.” "YES!“

“I want to play in a band again. "YES!“

“I’d love to sing that song.” "YES!“

“I want to paint.” "YES!“

“I want to go ghost hunting.” "YES!“

“I want to write more.” "YES!“

Much more empowering, huh? Yes! So that certainly doesn’t mean that laundry still doesn’t need to be done or that all of a sudden I can sing like an angel. It just means I’ve removed the limiting beliefs from being tied to these things that I want to do…like opening the bird cage and setting the bird free.

The other side of “yes” I discovered is that I had a very strong aversion to failure. I think a lot of people do but I really wanted to pay attention to what that meant for me so here are some things I have now started saying “yes” to in that area:

· Feeling confident AND feeling awkward

· Saying the right thing AND saying the wrong thing

· Knowing the answer AND not knowing the answer

· Feeling energetic AND feeling lazy

· Hitting the right note AND hitting the wrong note

In her book, Life is a Verb, Patti sums it up best by stating, “I was saying a big yes to my life—to all of it, the zinnias in the sun and the syrup on the floor.”

Most of us, including me, feel great about the “zinnias” in our lives like feeling confident, saying the right things, knowing the answers, feeling energetic, and hitting the right notes. It’s the flip-side of each one that we have problems with. What I have come to realize though is that it’s ALL OK, those beautiful flowers AND the mess on the floor.

So, right on cue, after coming to some fairly profound realizations, I ran across the quote I began this blog post with, “For all that has been, ‘thanks’. For all that will be ‘yes’.” This has become my new morning and evening prayer because for me it captures the two things I feel are so important to living a happy life: gratitude and acceptance.

For today, I dare you to get out a piece of paper and make your own list of things you’ve been saying “no” to and just start by writing the word “yes” after them. Remember, “no” is sneaky. It comes in many forms like, “Not now”, “I don’t have time”, “tomorrow”, etc. Those are “no’s” in disguise!

Also, “no” likes to sneak in the back door of “how” so please do not question “how” anything will happen. Just write “yes” after it and see how it feels. We can get so caught up in the “hows” of things sometimes that we snuff out the dream before it even has a chance to see the light of day. Just write "YES" in big bold letters!

When I was a kid and was going to go on a school field trip, I remember bringing a permission slip home for my parents to sign. The slip was really that, just a small slip that said I could go. It didn’t map out the logistics of the trip or anything else; just “yes”. That’s all I’m daring you to do for now.

I hope you come to some great realizations for yourself by doing this exercise as I have. As always, have fun and I will talk to you again soon!

Plan B

2009-07-06T19:24:00.004-05:00

Plan B

Life is that haze in the windstorm

And yet

She sets aside daily time

For detail.

Elbowed sharply in the side

And trying out plan B

A fulfilling existence.

-My “blackout poetry” – For more on Blackout Poems visit http://www.austinkleon.com/

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. The last time I wrote, I was uncertain about my employment situation, as the company I work for needed to eliminate some positions. That date for job eliminations has come and gone and I am still with that employer, and I am very grateful for that. I was however, very prepared for whatever changes might have come my way. Although my employer has not changed, I have.

This whole experience gave me a much needed “elbow in the side” that was actually very welcome in my life at this time. I admit that I was asleep at the wheel for a while and truthfully, didn’t even know who was driving at some points along the way. This reminds me of a story my father told me a while back, when “cruise control” on cars was first introduced. He told me about a man who was driving, set his car on cruise control, and then hopped in the backseat for a nap. Of course, he didn’t get very far before his car careened off the road. I think the cruise control on my life had been set but I wasn’t quite in the backseat yet when I realized that I needed to get back in the driver’s seat.

Some of you may recall that in my “Letter of Resignation” blog post published a few weeks ago, I mentioned that some of my friends/coworkers had made lists of things they were planning to do if they were let go from the company. I had created a list also and realized that these things had no business being my “Plan B”. I resigned to focusing on those things from that point on.

So what’s changed? For one, I am focusing more on my writing and moving it from the “hobby” category of my life over to the “what I do” list. I enrolled in a six month telecoaching course led by writer Patti Digh who wrote a wonderful book called, “Life is a Verb”. I just adore that title! The course begins tomorrow and I am so excited to be a part of this! Doing this has truly sent a message to me that I am back in the driver’s seat! If you haven’t checked out this book or any of Patti’s work, I would highly recommend visiting her website at www.37days.com.

I also am looking for more ways to give to others. I know I was one who, like many others would use the excuse, “If I had more time or more money, I’d give.” This was definitely something that popped up on my “Plan B” for a long time. I’d donate some things here and there but it wasn’t really a huge focus for me. Now, I am constantly looking for ways to help causes I am passionate about. I was also recently inspired by the son of a friend of mine who wrote the following letter to a local charity (used with permission):

“Hello, I am a 15 year old young man that wishes to contribute to the matters of our children’s education and welfare. I wish to contribute face-to face with the people I am helping instead of throwing money at your charity. I wish to help my people out of love and unite communities for a better future for our children. How can I achieve this through your organization?” – Sean Encino

How beautiful is a letter like that? Connectedness at its finest!

So for today, I dare you to review those things that are currently on your “Plan B” for life and start to work on them. Make them “Plan A”. Don’t try to do them all at once because you may become overwhelmed and want to give up. Additionally, don’t try to tackle any single item all at once. I recently started listening to a podcast called “Morning Coach” (www.morningcoach.com) that stresses exactly that point. We can’t do everything in one day but we can do 1% every day towards our goals. Breaking it down makes it more manageable and increases the likelihood that we will see it through. I have been notoriously guilty of the “all or nothing” mindset in the past, which yields little to no results.

A more fulfilling life should NEVER be your Plan B! Crawl out of the backseat and take back the wheel of the car that is your life!

Many thanks for reading today and daring to dare!

A Prayer for Eli

2009-06-07T19:56:00.006-05:00

"Maybe the Fountain of Youth isn't a fountain at all. Maybe it's a way of looking at things; a way of thinking.” - Charles Whitley in the Twilight Zone episode "Kick the Can"

Hi and welcome back to A Dare a Day! The quote above was taken from one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes called “Kick the Can”. If you have never seen this episode, it takes place at nursing facility called Sunnyvale Rest Home. One of the residents, Charles Whitley, believes he has found the answer to being young. He believes that if he acts young, he will be young. His childhood friend Ben Conroy, who is also a resident at the home, is not convinced, however, and tries to convince Charles that his best days are behind him and that all that is left is to wait to die.

Unconvinced, Charles responds by saying, “Did you ever stop to think of it? All kids play those games and the minute they stop, they begin to grow old. It’s almost as if playing kick the can keeps them young.”

Later, Charles approaches the residents as they sit almost lifeless on the front porch of the home and he asks, “What is the matter with you people? Aren’t you the ones who used to skip rope and run through sprinklers?” At this point, and much to their horror, he runs out to the lawn and starts playing in the sprinkler. He is immediately escorted inside by the nurse and told he will need to be under observation.

That evening, Charles assembles his fellow retirees in one last attempt to convince them to play kick the can with him. Finally, all the residents go with him except for his friend Ben, who runs to get the doctor. When the doctor and Ben go outside, the elderly residents have transformed into children and they are playing kick the can. Ben stops one of the boys whom he recognizes as his friend Charles and begs him to take him with him but it is too late and the children run away.

This weekend, I had my own “Kick the Can” experience. My girlfriend and I headed to Wimberley, Texas to shop and then hit a local swimming hole (known as the Blue Hole) to cool off. Texas in June can get really hot but God has given us some really cool rivers to escape from the heat, and the river that feeds into this swimming hole is no exception. The water was cold but that didn’t stop anyone from having fun, particularly all the children there. Many of the adults waded or sat on the banks while the children splashed and swam like it was a heated swimming pool. I sat on the bank for a good fifteen minutes contemplating the cold water when a little boy who I had seen splashing around came and sat next to me. He looked at me and said very seriously, “Can I ask you a question?” I said, “Sure you can.” He asked, “Why are you sitting here?” I looked over at him and smiled recognizing how much wisdom was behind his simple and sincere question. I responded, “That’s a good question.” He continued, “All the fun is out there!” and pointed to the center of the river. I immediately stood up and said, “You know what? You are absolutely right!” So off I went into the middle of the river feeling the cold but not caring anymore. I was having fun again.

As if to give me a few moments to find my inner oppressed child, he swam away but came back about ten minutes later armed with a small twig. “OK,” he said, “now that you’re out here, I need to tell you, there are snakes over there and alligators over on that side. But, I brought my knife,” he assured me, holding up the frail and crooked twig he had brought, “so, if they try and get us, we have this.”

So there I was, hunting alligators and snakes with my new friend (see picture above), a four-year old boy who had introduced himself as Eli. After we had our fill of alligator and snake hunting, Eli ran off to open a swimming club on one end of the bank with several other children of varying ages. I tried to remember all of the things I believed were possible at four years of age and wondered where that belief had gone. Surely, it still lives within me somewhere. I watched as Eli showed others around his swim club, which had quickly been transformed into a resort. I heard him tell one boy who was around seven years old, “And over here are the water slides.” The boy looked around puzzled and replied, “I don’t see any water slides.” Eli was adamant, “They are right here. Look!” as he pointed to a rock with a slight slope. The older boy shook his head and walked away. I thought about how sad it was that such a young boy could no longer see the slides and wondered how old I was when I stopped seeing them. How old was I when I had to start seeing evidence of something before I believed it? How old was I when I allowed myself to believe I was too old for magic?

For today, I dare you to think about one thing you loved to do as a child and allow yourself to do it. Did you love to play in the sprinkler? Skateboard? Ride your bike? Whatever it is, do it and do it with all the enthusiasm of a child. That child is still in there. Let him/her play, and don’t just do it once. Promise yourself that you will keep that spirit alive because that is the essence of what is you.

In the cold waters of the Blue Hole, I was, in a sense, baptized again. My young and wise friend had helped me to awaken a part of me that I had not seen in years, but that I vow to never let sleep again. Eli will probably never know how he touched my life but I will keep him in my daily prayers. For Eli, I pray that he never stops seeing the water slides. I know I never will.

Thanks again for reading and for daring to dare!!

A Letter of Resignation

2009-06-07T11:36:00.010-05:00

“Today is the greatest

Day I've ever known

Can't live for tomorrow,

Tomorrow's much too long....”

~Billy Corgan, "Today," Siamese Dream (Smashing Pumpkins), 1993

Hello everyone and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! As I am writing this blog post, I am on the edge of what could be a life changing event for me. Next week, the company where I have worked for almost twelve years will need to let some people go and my position could be eliminated.

According to quite a few surveys, losing one’s job is one of the top causes of stress in a person’s life, right up there with death of a spouse, divorce, and personal injury or illness, and rightfully so. The unknown always seems to scare us. However, when we experience these types of life-altering events, we have an opportunity to take that stress energy and turn it into positive energy. I’m not going to sit here and say that’s easy to do because it’s not. I remember when I was first informed that my job was in jeopardy, it felt like my heart fell into my stomach. I thought about my house, my girlfriend’s health (she is covered by my health insurance), and just the overall way of life we have grown accustomed to living. Thinking about how all of those things are now in jeopardy scared me a lot and still worries me if I choose to focus my thoughts on that but for the most part, I don’t any longer.

I was talking to some friends and coworkers last week as we tried to comfort each other through this time and I told them that whatever happens, this experience has changed me. A few weeks ago, I created a list of things I would do immediately if I lost my job. They included, storm chasing, ghost hunting, writing a book, and going back for my PHD. As I reviewed the list, I asked myself, “Now why am I waiting until I lose my job to do these things?” I liken this to having a near death experience. Most of us tend to take for granted that we will wake up tomorrow morning just as we did this morning but the truth is, that’s not promised to us at all.

With that said, I decided to write my letter of resignation, which I will share with you all now. The letter is not to my employer but rather a letter of resignation to the part of me that had been become somewhat complacent with my life and has fallen into a numbing routine. The one who thought the list created above was for a different time and a different day. This is who I write that letter for.

“Dear Me,

“I would like to inform you that I am resigning from the position which I have held for most of my adult life. That is, the position that life is for living at some point in the future but not for today.

“I want to thank you for what I did get from holding this position. I received a sense of security, albeit a false one that was created by me because nothing in life is guaranteed. Having come to this realization, it has occurred to me that I cannot advance any further in my life by continuing to hold this position, so I hereby officially resign.

“Unfortunately, I will not be able to provide you with a two week notice because that would be a conflict of interest with the new position which I now hold: that of living each day as if it is a privilege given and not a right bestowed. Therefore, must begin living now.

“I appreciate your understanding.

“Sincerely,

“Me”

So for today, I dare you to write your own letter of resignation, assuming you are ready to do that. Are you ready to give up that part of you that thinks life is for a different day? If not, don’t write it; it will not be the best use of your time. But if you are ready, do it! Write your letter, print it out and put it up on your mirror at home. Carry a copy with you to remind you of your new position. Don’t think that just writing this will keep you from falling back into complacency. Complacency is extremely alluring; that’s why so many people are there. Dare to be one of those who break from the pack!

I greatly appreciate you reading today and daring to dare! Talk to you again really soon!

Are You a Residual Haunting?

2009-05-31T15:10:00.007-05:00

Residual haunting: A replayed haunting in which no intelligent ghost, spirit, or other entity is directly involved. Much like a video tape, residual hauntings are playbacks of auditory, visual, olfactory, and other sensory phenomenon which are attributed to a traumatic event, life-altering event, or a common event of a person or place, like an echo of past events.

–From Wikipedia

Hi and welcome back to A Dare a Day! This is my third blog post of the week, which feels great to me because one of my recent intentions has been to dedicate more time to reading and writing and here I am once again! I’d really like to extend a special welcome to my friends from The Indigo Room which is headed up by my friend Ms. Sydney Chase. She has a lively open chat on Saturdays that I have come to look forward to each week. The general topic is the Law of Attraction and all things spiritual. There’s a great group of folks who join regularly so I’m sending a “shout out” to all you guys and gals! If you haven’t heard of Sydney or the Indigo Room, please check out her website at http://theindigoroom.ning.com/. The info for the open chat and several other things she is working on is located there as well.

So, let’s get started with our dare for today! One of my favorite TV shows to watch is a show called Ghost Hunters, which appears on the SciFi channel every Wednesday. As a result of having had a few first hand experiences early in my life, I have always been intrigued by the paranormal. I really appreciate the approach these folks take with respect to their ghost hunting. They are very scientific in their approach and seek to find other explanations for seemingly paranormal activity. They also do a good job of educating their audience about different types of phenomena, whether paranormal in nature or not.

One such concept they often discuss on the show is that of residual haunting. The definition I opened this blog post with is fairly consistent with how they define it; that is, in sum, a non-intelligent replay of past events. This is opposed to what is defined as an “intelligent haunting”, which is thought to be a spirit that can interact with this plane of existence; essentially, a soul without a body. I’ve heard them discuss these concepts before but this past week, as they were discussing the topic, I turned to my girlfriend Larissa and said, “When I die, I don’t want to be a residual haunting. I want to be an intelligent haunting and mess with everybody!” Although I was joking of course (sort of), I started thinking more about this. A question occurred to me: are there are some things now, even as I am alive, that I’m pretty much “playing back” over and over again like an “echo of past events”? Coping habits we form like smoking, drinking, and overeating (as a few examples) fall very much in line with this definition, don’t they? When you’re stressed, do you have an automatic “play back” that leads you to the cigarette, the bottle, or a bag of chips? I suspect most of us are residual hauntings in certain areas of our lives, even if it’s just in becoming complacent in our every day routines. The other day, I took a stretch break at work and went walking in the parking garage. I noticed that I had started to follow the same route so I intentionally switched it up and even walked backwards part of the way! People who saw me must have thought I had a few glasses of wine at lunch, but, oh well! I went back to my desk feeling more awake, energized, and a bit silly too, which was great!

In what areas of your life have you become a residual haunting? Did something traumatic happen in your past that causes you to replay certain behaviors or actions over and over even if they don’t serve your best interest? On Ghost Hunters, one of the founders of the group, Grant, likes to say that residual hauntings are like the grooves of a record that play over and over again. It is this great analogy that leads me to your dare for the day. For today, I dare you to scratch your record! Identify an area where you are behaving much like a residual haunting, echoing the past over and over, and make a conscious effort to scratch your record. If you’re haunting the bag of chips in your pantry after work each day, make it your intent that when you get home you will write in your journal, meditate, or take the dog for a walk instead. Make it something fun and very different that really distracts you or “scratches that record” really well so that it’s hard to fall back into that routine. Don’t make it something that will make the old habit seem more attractive. For example, if you don’t enjoy working out, saying that you’re going to go to the gym instead of hitting the chips isn’t going to keep you out of the chips for very long. Make it something positive but that’s more fun. For example, my writing has been a great thing for me to turn to as I’ve been letting go of my ghosts.

I hope you enjoy this because, in addition to getting you out of a destructive pattern, this dare can also make your moments a bit more exciting and keep you from living life as a residual haunting. As always, have fun with this and I will talk to you again soon!

One Thing

2009-05-28T22:45:00.005-05:00

"Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it." –Oprah Winfrey, as spoken on her debut show September 1986

Hi and welcome back to A Dare a Day! I have a really supercharged dare for you today so I’m just going to give you a little background on how this quote came into my life and how it’s already had such a powerful effect on me and then we’re going to get right to your dare!

Yesterday, as I was taking a short stretch break at work, I decided to listen to a podcast. I chose the Morning Coach (on iTunes and they also have a website at morningcoach.com). If you’ve never heard this podcast before, it’s really great. The podcasts are usually short (around 15 minutes or so) but very motivational! Anyway, I was catching up on an episode from March of this year which used the above quote from Oprah Winfrey as the basis for the discussion. The host then dared his listeners to do one thing during the week that they did not think they could do. I was pumped up by this dare and started immediately thinking about what it was I wanted to try.

Today, as I was walking my dog, the Unsinkable Molly Brown, it came to me. It occurred to me that on my walks with Molly, I had never tried jogging the entire distance. I’ve jogged/walked but usually did more walking because we live in a very hilly neighborhood. I decided right then that I was going to jog the entire way, nonstop. One of my goals for this year is to live a healthier lifestyle. My partner Larissa and I have started biking almost every weekend and I’ve been going to the health club and working out at home. I also thought this would be a great statement to reaffirm my commitment to my health.

So off we went. Jogging down the hill, no problem. Turning the corner, no problem. Then came the uphill run. I should also add at this point that the South Texas sun this time of year is pretty brutal and today was no exception. Right around the middle of the hill is when that voice came into my head saying, “What’s the big deal? Just stop. Try again tomorrow. It’s too hot.” That voice was quickly snuffed, however, by the one that kept saying, “Do the one thing you think you cannot do. This is your moment. Own it!” Before I knew it, I was about 75% up the hill, and I knew at that point there was no way I was stopping. I just kept thinking about how great it would feel running up my driveway knowing I had just done one thing I did not think I could do. (By the way, this is a great example of thinking “from” the end as mentioned in my last blog entry).

When I finally reached the driveway, I felt so exhilarated you would’ve thought I’d just run a marathon. I started trying to think of new challenges. That feeling is so addicting I wanted to be sure and share it with you all today. So, if you haven’t guessed it, my dare for you today is to do one thing this week that you think you cannot do that you have been wanting to do. Sign up for that class you’ve been putting off. Use the health club you’ve been donating to. Start reading that book that’s just been sitting there or start writing that book…even if you make it a goal to write one page then you’ve actually started it! The energy is so powerful that it propels you to do more. Remember, it doesn’t matter so much if you actually achieve the desired outcome. If I had stopped halfway up the hill and then mentally beat myself up over that, how many new things do you think I’d want to try? I promised myself before I put my sneakers to the ground that if I had to stop, I had still accomplished something because I tried something I did not think I could do. It just so happened, in this case, the outcome was what I hoped but I guarantee you, had I not achieved it, I would be out there tomorrow trying even harder.

I hope this dare charges you up as much as it has me. I should add that writing two blog entries in one week was also something I did not think I could do and have now done! Two big accomplishments in one day!!! Not a bad day, huh? I’ll leave you with a short segment from my current favorite song called, “If Today Were Your Last Day” by Nickelback:

“My best friend gave me the best advice.
He said each day's a gift & not a given right.
Leave no stone unturned.
Leave your fears behind
and try to take the path less travelled by.
That first step you take is the longest stride”

Now go take that first step and I will talk to you again soon!!!

The Opposite

2009-05-26T17:00:00.005-05:00

“If every instinct you ever have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”

-Jerry Seinfeld to George Costanza in Seinfeld’s “The Opposite” episode

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today I want to talk about how the above quote has worked its way into my life as a sort of mantra.

To provide a brief summary of “The Opposite” episode from which the line above is drawn, George has become completely disgusted with his life. He is jobless, dateless, and dissatisfied with himself physically. He is sitting in a coffee shop with his friends Elaine and Jerry and begins to realize that he continues to do the same things over and over again, which gets him nowhere.

The waitress approaches George and asks if he wants his “usual” and he realizes that he even orders the same food every day. He decides then to start doing the opposite of everything he usually does beginning with ordering a lunch he considers to be the opposite of his “usual”.

Jerry encourages his new behavior by stating, “If every instinct you ever has is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.” George embraces this as “his new religion” and soon encounters a series of fortunate events such as finding a girlfriend and landing a dream job with the New York Yankees.

Recently, I’ve been examining some things in my life that, no matter what I seem to be doing (or not doing in some cases), haven’t been working out as I have hoped. I’ve compared these things to areas that do seem to be working for me and have come to a few conclusions about how to turn the non-working elements around. The above quote is a big part of that turn-around process.

In her book, Feel It Real by Denise Coates, the author states, “Opposites create desires. If not for opposites, we would have no contrast, no way to differentiate anything from anything else -- and no need to desire anything.” She continues, “Any subject you focus on involves considering the opposite. When you focus with feeling on something you don’t want, you get more of it, but when you focus positive feelings on what you do want, you get more of that.”

I started by looking at examples in my life where this has held true for me. My education, for one, is something I am proud of. I obtained a Music degree followed by an MBA. When I think about how I accomplished these degrees, I remember that I did not focus so much on all the work that I would need to do but rather, put the majority of the focus on how I would feel having accomplished these goals I had set for myself. For example, I knew that when I completed my Music degree, I would have to go through a ton of music theory and obtaining my MBA would mean statistics courses which I had never taken before. I didn’t focus so much on those things though. Rather, I remember thinking about how I would feel knowing I had reached that goal I had set for myself. Once I really got that feeling embedded deep within me, I knew that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that would deter me, including the end of my relationship with my then long-term girlfriend which occurred in the middle of earning my MBA. I just kept plugging away because it was so deep within me, I could not possibly fathom not reaching my goal. In other words, even though I hadn’t yet obtained my goal, I embraced the positive feelings of having reached it, which is what I believe set my path towards its realization.

Dr. Wayne Dyer refers to this as “thinking from the end”, which he explains to be thinking about how it feels to have obtained the desired outcome. He has explained that this is different from “thinking about the end” in that that the former evokes the positive feelings of having reached a goal whereas the latter evokes feelings of lack of what is being desired.

Referring back to the Feel it Real book, author Denise Coates then has the reader perform an “Opposite exercise” where s/he lists all the things in his/her life that they are unhappy with and then the negative feelings that are associated with that particular subject. An example used is, “I’m unhappy with my weight. It makes me feel ugly, unconfident, ashamed, and invisible.” The reader is then asked to examine the opposite of those feelings (confident, proud, attractive and bold). It is these “opposite” feelings that she identifies as being key to obtaining the desired results.

So for today, I dare you to take on Denise’s opposite challenge. Take out a piece of paper and write briefly about an area of your life where you are not receiving the results you desire. It can be your health, your wealth, relationships, any area in which you would like to obtain different results. As an example, let’s say you have not had any success in attracting a partner. Now, how does that make you feel? You might write, “Undesirable, lonely, and unwanted.” What are the opposite feelings of those feelings? Let’s say you define the opposite to these feelings as desirable, loved, and wanted. Now, it’s not enough merely to identify these feelings, although this is a BIG first step.

The next step is the key: you must find a way to feel these positive feelings towards the object you desire. So if you continue to lament the fact that you want someone special in your life but you have no one, you are thinking “about” your desired outcome but not “from” your desired outcome. In other words, you are not feeling the “opposite”, but rather you are feeling the same, which will give you the same results. You need to get yourself to feel these feelings as if your partner is already in your life. That will be hard at first because your common sense will say, “But s/he is not here.” While that’s true in one sense, it’s important to understand that this focus on the “lack of” is precisely what keeps you lacking, nothing else.

Evoke these opposite feelings at least a couple times a day for 17 seconds at a time. While 17 seconds may seem like an arbitrary number, I am borrowing this from two of my favorite authors, Esther and Jerry Hicks, who state, “If you can hold a thought, just a simple thought, for 17 seconds, without contradicting it, another thought like it same shape, same size, same vibration, same tone, by law of attraction another thought like it will come to it. And at precisely the 17 second point, these two thoughts will join one another, they coalesce and when they do that there is an energy that is expended, it is like a combustion point. And when these two thoughts join and combust, you can feel a measure of enthusiasm or interest bubbling within you. And in that moment of 17 seconds, these two thoughts that were same become one bigger, more evolved, faster vibrating thought.”

I am trying this for one area of my life in particular that I have been trying to turnaround for years and will report back to you how this has been working for me. For those of you who will dare to dare, I would love to hear how this works for you! Thanks for reading and continuing to dare!!

Hold 'em or Fold 'em?

2009-04-26T21:06:00.004-05:00

“You gotta know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.”
-Kenny Rogers

Hello everyone and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! As many of you know who have followed this blog, I have become extremely fascinated with nature over the past couple of years, as I have been moving along my spiritual journey. It has become quite evident to me that there are so many lessons that nature can teach us everyday if we are prepared to listen.

One such lesson was taught to me recently. A couple of weeks ago, my partner Larissa and I were delighted to see that our porch had once again been chosen as the homestead for two finches whom we affectionately named Valentino and Chloe. Last year, we were lucky enough to share our home with them and hoped they would come back this spring, and they did.

We saw the female working away diligently constructing the nest twig by twig over hours. It was still quite small when we went to bed that evening, as she had not completed it yet. The next morning, as I stepped out to get the paper, I was extremely saddened to see the nest had fallen from the corner of the porch and all of the twigs were scattered. It had been a very windy evening, and, apparently, the nest was not secure enough to withstand it. I felt so bad because I knew this represented hours of her work. I noticed that she was perched in a tree along with her mate looking at me. Both were still singing.

I came home for lunch later that afternoon to see if by some chance, they were still around and, to my amazement, not only were they there but what they had lost had been rebuilt and then some. I was very happy they hadn’t given up. Originally, that’s what I thought my lesson for the day was and what I would be writing to you about. I thought, “Yes, I get it! Don’t give up! Persevere!”

But, this was not the lesson I was supposed to learn that day. When I got home that evening, much to my disappointment, the nest had once again fallen from it’s perch and scattered on the porch. My first instinct (as a mere human) was, “That’s not fair! She worked so hard!” I walked out and once again saw Valentino and Chloe perched in the tree still singing.

I thought to myself that perhaps they would try once again, but they did not return to that spot. When I thought about what I had witnessed, it occurred to me that in their wisdom, they knew when to walk away. So many times when things don’t work out the way we hoped, whether a job, a relationship, or anything else we had set our sights on, we use valuable energy in trying to make it work out no matter the cost to ourselves. Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

This certainly isn’t to say that we should just give up when something doesn’t work out the first time we try, or even the second or the third. Chloe didn’t give up right away. However, what she knew was that the original spot she had chosen wasn’t going to provide a safe place for her young, and therefore found another nesting area. To our surprise and excitement, we found that she had built a new nest in the middle of a large hanging petunia plant on our back porch! So, she didn’t give up on the goal, she just wasn’t fixated on the how or where. In other words, she didn’t waste precious time and energy looking at the “closed door”. Instead, she saw the one that had opened for her and settled in that spot, where, I am happy to report, she has laid five beautiful eggs!

Of course, it’s not always easy to know when the time is right to “hold ‘em” versus “fold ‘em”. For people, we have pesky things called thoughts, which we can use to justify almost anything. “Well, I don’t like this job but at least I’m secure...” “Well yes, this man/woman treats me badly but at least I’m not alone…” etc. The list can go on and on. The answer won’t always be crystal clear, but I think a good way to start is by examining your emotions honestly. Love doesn’t hurt physically or mentally…period. Are there challenging times? You bet, but there is a big difference between a challenge and something that hurts your soul or crushes your spirit. I may get frustrated at my job from time to time, but overall it feels right doing what I am doing because my job involves quite a bit of teaching, something I love to do. I have come to peace with the fact that layoffs are occurring at many companies including my own because, like Chloe, I am not overly fixated on “where”. My goal is to teach others so, regardless of whether I stay employed with this company or not, I will teach. I have no doubt about that. As Dr. Wayne Dyer states, “True freedom is being open to everything and attached to nothing.”

If you are honest with yourself you will know, just like Chloe knew. It is only our thoughts that cloud our judgment because we don’t always like the answer to questions we ask or the solution to problems we encounter. We think that things need to occur the exact way we have mapped them out, but the fact is that it just doesn’t happen that way. Are there things in your life you are holding on to that you need to let go? If something is hurting your soul, my advice is not just to “fold ‘em” but to “run”. I realize that is much easier said than done, but the message of love you send yourself by getting out of a situation that compromises the essence of you is certainly worth it.

My dare for you today is this. Write a one page free flowing essay (meaning don’t pay attention to grammar, spelling, form) on one thing you need to walk away from in your life. Do you have a habit that is hurting your body or a relationship that is hurting your soul? Write about how it makes you feel. Include a few words about how you will feel 10 years from now if you don’t change anything to get yourself out of this situation. Now, the double-dog-dare is to take at least one action for the next five days to start pulling away from this habit or relationship. Just one! Use that gym you’ve been donating to rather than using. Cut out just one cigarette a day. Promise yourself just one action for the next five days and see how quickly you start to feel empowered rather than victimized.

I personally have taken this dare and have kept my new action going for about 3 weeks now so I can tell you first hand that this is very empowering! Don’t be surprised if you keep going past the five days of the dare!

I hope to hear how this has worked for you. Thanks for reading and I will talk to you again soon!

The Nifty Fifty

2009-04-11T15:37:00.004-05:00

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you’, it will be enough.”
-Meister Eckhart

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! I want to talk today about living in a state of gratitude. I know I’ve talked about gratitude in a few past blog entries but I truly believe, as Cicero once stated, that “gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues but the parent of all others”, so I’d like to talk about this again today.

So, what does it mean to live in this state? To me, it means never passing up an opportunity to find something to be thankful for. As you sit now and read this, you have eyes that can see, a brain that learned to read, a computer, a chair, shelter, and so on. I sit at my computer typing this and can easily come up with my own list in just a few seconds.

I am grateful for the beautiful classical guitar piece I am listening to.
I see my fingers typing. I am grateful for taking typing in high school and for my persistent teacher.
I am grateful for my parents who sacrificed to send me to a good school.
I am grateful for the partner I have sitting downstairs in our home who made us breakfast this morning and put my coffee mug by the coffee pot to make it just a little easier for me.
I am grateful for my friend who just sent me a text message excited that she bought a new bra. By the way, how great it is that I am surrounding myself with people who are grateful for things like that!
Today is my brother’s birthday. I am grateful for him and for my sister and for the fact that we are good friends.
I am grateful for the computer I am working on which has brought me closer to some of my other family members who I have not talked to in quite a while.
I am grateful for the computer that allows me to talk to you, and I am grateful for all of you who are reading this.

You get the picture. This list took me less than a minute….well, maybe just a bit more because I had to respond to the text message from my friend to ask if it was okay for me to mention her good news in my blog!

Quite a few of the spiritual teachers I read mention some form of this expression of thankfulness, but one of my favorite descriptions is in the book, “Ask and It is Given” by Jerry and Esther Hicks. They refer to the exercise I just demonstrated as a “Rampage of Appreciation”. They state, “The more you practice appreciation, the less resistance you will have in your own vibrational frequencies. And, the less resistance you have, the better life will be.”

What I like about this exercise is that it doesn’t take a lot to practice to benefit from it. If you allow yourself to participate fully in this exercise (meaning to feel the gratitude for each thing mentioned, not just say the words) the elevation in your vibration is almost immediate. Compare that vibration to the vibration you feel from someone who is always seeking out what’s wrong. We’ve all encountered people like that...or perhaps have even been one ourselves! One of my favorite spoofs on this character type is in the video posted below from Saturday Night Live.

This video made me laugh so hard I cried because it does take it to the other extreme, but I’ve encountered milder forms of this just in saying “Good morning! How are you today?” to certain people. I can quickly spot the “Debbie Downers” who respond, “Well, it’s Monday,” or “Yeah, I’m hanging in there”. Wow! What kind of message do you send to yourself when you say, “I’m hanging in there?” One of my favorite teachers, Dr. Wayne Dyer, says, “Each morning we have a choice. We can wake up and say to ourselves, ‘Good God, it’s morning’, or we can say ‘Good morning, God’. The choice is always ours.

So for today, I have a dare, and a double-dog dare! My dare to you is to choose “Good morning, God” for ten days. Express “Good morning, God” by literally saying this when you wake up and then by writing down five things each morning you are grateful for. Be sure to make them a different five things each day. At the end of those ten days, you will have a list of fifty things you are grateful for. Keep this list close and review it often….or better yet, keep adding to it!

My double-dog dare to you is this. Participate in a “gratitude dance” every day for those ten days. What is a gratitude dance? Check out the link below and you will know. Dancing in many cultures is a form of celebration. Moving your body is another way to align yourself with this higher energy. Make it fun! Get your kids and/or partner involved too! What a great way to start the day!

As always, I’d love to hear from those of you who dare to dare. I truly appreciate the wonderful comments and emails I’ve received in the past.

I will talk to you again soon!

Blacking Out

2009-03-30T20:06:00.005-05:00

The Playground

Launching himself
He flew on the wave
Perfect
Enormous
A whole other world
It was the playground
Pure magic
Drifting out…there is a wave for everyone
Watching the morning
Watching the setting sun
Listen
People everyday seek out the untouched
Raw
Beautiful
This place is swell
It can chew you up or it can be sweet and perfect
Grab it
It might be the best
- The Playground” by me!

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! I am so excited today to share a new creative form of writing I have recently discovered. Sunday morning, I was doing some channel surfing (which I rarely do) and came across a show called “The Texas Country Reporter” which I have never watched. I don’t know what made me settle on this show but the first story featured a young man, Austin Kleon, who was an aspiring writer with a vicious case of writer’s block. Instead of wallowing in what could’ve been a failure, he persisted in trying to write. One day, while sitting at his desk, he noticed a stack of newspapers. He picked up a page, took out a black Sharpie, and started to circle words that stood out to him blacking out all those words he didn’t need. The end result was a poem. Fast forward to now, Austin has a book of these “blackout” poems coming out soon! I highly recommend checking out his website (www.austinkleon.com) or Facebook page (there’s a link from his site) to review some of his work and that of others as well. The poem at the beginning of this entry is one I created using this method. It was so much fun!

What I love about this form of writing is that you take an article that could be about anything and circle what stands out to YOU. As Austin stated in his interview the Texas Reporter, you could have 100 people look at the same article and get 100 different poems because everyone sees something different. Isn’t that really how life is? I thought this was just beautiful so I anxiously grabbed my Sunday NY Times and started marking away. I found this exercise to be very insightful because as with dreams, I felt like my brain was pulling words, phrases, and even images for me in much the same way our brains run when we dream; pulling out words and thoughts that we are focusing on. It does take a bit of effort to just trust and try not to control the process too much. The idea is to just start circling and blacking out and see what happens…at least that’s how I did it.

Earlier today, I was visiting my father and we got to talking about his favorite hobby, photography. This actually reminded a lot of this writing technique because, with both forms of expression, you are taking something that essentially already exists and adding “you” to it.

So, if you haven’t guessed it, for today, I dare you to “blackout’! Pick up a newspaper and a Sharpie and get those creative juices flowing! Don’t judge yourself. Life is a playground after all! Simply be an observer to what you find yourself focusing on. As with dreams, you may find some interesting things.

In closing, I will leave you with one more of my recent creations:

To the good life
Love spent is the
Only thing that keeps on serving.
Using their hands
Rather than filling spaces.
Come to play.
There are no sign-ups.

Have fun and I will talk to you again soon!

Message of Love

2009-03-22T22:32:00.013-05:00

"Now the reason we're here

Every man, every woman

Is to help each other

Stand by each other

When love walks in the room

Everybody stand up

Oh its good, good, good

Say I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

-From the Song “Message of Love” by the Pretenders

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Once again, as with my last blog entry, the inspiration for this entry came while cleaning my house and blasting some of my favorite music on my iPod. I was in the mood to hear some “Pretenders” and set them to play. Before I knew it, I was belting out “Message of Love” at the top of my lungs (much to the dismay of my girlfriend and animals) and knew this is what I was supposed to write about today. Well, at least they got a clean house out of it!

Anyway, today I just want to talk about love. There seems to be a ton of resentment, contempt, and finger-pointing going on these days, particularly regarding the challenges our economy is facing.
I was watching some news clips the other day in which people were being randomly asked how they felt about some of these companies at the heart of our economic challenges paying huge bonuses to their executives. The overall theme was one of outrage. While it’s completely understandable that many of us feel outrage at what seems to be complete disregard for the well-being of others, I think it’s important that we not stay in that state for too long. Outrage is one of those emotions that can be very disempowering. I think the primary reason for this is that we usually experience this emotion when someone has done something to us or to someone else that we do not have any control over.

If we allow ourselves individually to be consumed by this “outrage” we will no doubt be contributing this to our collective consciousness, thereby attracting more of the same. This is a big reason why I stay away from the local news and only watch enough of the global news to keep informed. I’m not completely sticking my head in the sand, but rather am carefully choosing the stimuli that influence my vibration on a daily basis. For me, this has greatly improved my overall attitude and energy. Larissa, my partner, and I used to be news junkies and now we rarely have it on.

I’m certainly not saying that we should not examine the issues that got us into this current economic situation. I think it is necessary to do so in order to learn from our mistakes, but what’s more important is that we love each other through this time. This is the country, after all, that after the events of September 11, 2001, bonded together in an unprecedented way. I remember driving down the highway that day and could just feel us coming together in a way I have never experienced in my lifetime. The collective energy was focused on loving each other through that time but, unfortunately, soon afterwards we became divided again in war.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said, “Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean.” For today, I am calling on you to sweep your front door. Instead of focusing on those people who have wronged you, focus on those positive relationships in your life and celebrate love! As one of my idols, Chrissie Hynde from The Pretenders states in the song quoted above, “When love walks in the room, everybody stand up! Oh it’s good, good, good!”

Today, I dare you to pick up five “thank you cards” (real cards, not emails!) and handwrite a note to five people in your life who you love and who show you love. In other words, create five “messages of love”. Your notes should include how much they mean to you and what it means to you to have them in your life. In other words say, “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!” This dare is about showing love the respect it deserves and never taking it for granted. Everybody stand up! Have a great time with this dare and thanks again for reading!

The Bluebird's Lesson

2009-03-07T16:21:00.006-06:00

Once chilly autumn day, as thousands of birds took wing and flew south to escape the frozen winter, one little bluebird decided he wasn’t leaving with the rest, “A waste of time,” he reasoned. “After all, I’ll just have to fly all the way back again next spring.” Soon, however, a record cold spell descended upon the land, and the little bird realized he would have to leave. He winged his way up into the sky, but soon the icy air overcame him, his little wings froze, and he plummeted out of the sky. As fortune would have it, his nearly lifeless body landed in a large haystack, then fell onto the hard earth of a barnyard, near a group of cows.

Just as the little bluebird’s heart, nearly frozen, was about to stop, a cow happened by and relieved itself directly over the little bird. The warm manure covered the bird, saving his life; his little heart started beating strongly, and his wings thawed out. Happy to be alive, the bluebird began to sing a beautiful song, which, as fate allowed, attracted the attention of the barnyard cat, who padded over, looked through the manure, found the little bird, and promptly ate him.

This story ends with two morals:
Not everyone who dumps on us is necessarily our enemy.
Not everyone who gets us out of a mess is necessarily our friend.

--Take from the book No Ordinary Moments by Dan Millman

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today my partner and I were doing some heavy hittin’ spring cleaning, the kind where you’re dusting the floorboards. What a great therapeutic adventure that can be if you let it! I did, and that’s how I got inspired to write again today!

Anyway, while going through some papers, she found a letter she had received from her former boss stating that she had received a raise. Two weeks after that letter was written, she was laid off. She smiled looking back on the letter now because the job she found shortly afterwards is something she really enjoys and she works with a great group of people.

I remember telling her three years ago when she was let go that she would be looking back on it someday and smiling and, lo and behold, here we are! I was confident telling her this back then simply based on my own experiences with jobs and relationships that didn’t work out for me in the past.

About 12 years ago, I worked for a company that, while it wasn’t a terrible place, just didn’t really care much about its employees. I had worked there for about two and half years and realized that I had not received a raise. I went into my boss’ office and, very professionally, explained to him why I felt it was time for a raise. He appeared to listen to what I was saying, nodding in agreement from time to time. When I was finished, he stated, “I think we can work something out. You’ll see it in your next paycheck.” I smiled and left, content until I saw my next paycheck. In that check, I saw a whole ten cent raise. Now, whether he intentionally meant to “dump on me” (a reference I will use from the bluebird story) or he really thought he was doing a good thing, I’ll really never know. What I do know is that the moment I saw that dime raise, I realized that I was more valuable than that. I have never prided myself on being the smartest person, but I do know that I have a very strong work ethic that was worth more that ten cents. It was then that I decided to pull myself out of that job and look for a serious career where I could use my strengths.

Shortly after that, I sent my resume in to a company that I have now been with now for 11 years as of February. It’s a really great company and I am doing something that I really enjoy doing because it allows me to both learn and teach almost on a daily basis, which are two things I absolutely love. I have a dime taped to the corner of my computer monitor at work to remind me of how grateful I am to be where I am now. It inspires me every day.

One life lesson I learned from that whole experience is that pain is not something to fear. As Dan Millman states in his book No Ordinary Moments, “Whatever the form, pain generates the impulse to change, and serves to wake us sleepers from our dreams. Pain of any kind gives us feedback about something that needs our attention-about our physical habits, about our beliefs, and about our emotions.”

I thought about this just yesterday after having an MRI done on my knee. I had been doing some intense workouts lately and ignored a pain that had been getting progressively worse. Now, I am looking at possible surgery again.

I saw a poll on CNN yesterday that asked, “If you were to lose your job, would you consider changing careers?” 83% of those polled stated they would. The bright side to the collective pain we’ve been experiencing with the economy may be that people will be forced to “wake up” and perhaps pursue a passion they’ve been putting off for years. How many writers, artists, or teachers might be born out of this seemingly dark time?

This reminds me of a quote I read recently that says,

“Sometimes we turn to God when our foundations are shaking
only to find out it’s God who is shaking them.”
--Anon.

My dare for you today is this. Find something in your life right now that is causing you pain or discomfort physically, mentally, or emotionally and really try to listen to what feedback your Source is giving you. Write it out and don’t think it through too much. Write the first things that pop into your mind. It’s best to do this first thing in the morning before your brain has had too much time to start going. You don’t want this answer coming from your brain. You want it coming from your Source. If you meditate, do so first and then do this exercise. Is Source telling you it’s time to change jobs, relationships, or cities? Listen!

We don’t need to seek out pain but it is an inevitable part of life. Realize it for what it is: a tool to help us understand when we need to pay attention!

Thanks for reading and for daring to dare!

Let it Be

2009-02-21T12:18:00.022-06:00

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

--The Beatles, From the song "Let it Be"

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Today as I was working out in the gym, I was listening to a particularly powerful episode of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s podcast, “The Power of Intention” (Hay House radio). I’ve rarely listened to one of Dr. Dyer’s podcasts that has failed to move me in some way but this episode was notably powerful. During the show, a woman called in to ask Dr. Dyer’s input regarding a situation she was dealing with in which her sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given only six weeks to live. The caller sounded as if she was looking for a little bit of assurance from Dr. Dyer that her sister would be okay.

In a very sensitive manner, Dr. Dyer was able to convey to the caller that whatever the outcome, the situation was going to be okay. By “okay”, I do not mean that he implied she was not going to pass on but rather, that the situation would unfold just as it was supposed to unfold. As I listened to the caller respond, I could sense that on a cerebral level, she understood what he was saying but of course, she did not want her sister to die. I think most of us have experienced the death of someone close to us and can certainly understand how she was feeling.

During their conversation, he quoted the Beatles song “Let it be” and explained that so many times, we let our egos tell us that things shouldn’t be a certain way. How many times have you heard someone say (or even said yourself), s/he was too young to die? I know I have. In 1999, my stepfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given six months to live. He was married to my mother for 20 years so he was certainly a very big part of our family and we were all devastated with his diagnoses and prognosis to say the least. With a lot of prayer and support, he was with us until 2007 when he passed on at the age of 59.

Loss is never an easy thing to deal with, but the nature of the physical world that we are in is change. Verse 74 of the Tao Te Ching (Lao-Tzu) states, “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.” That is truly a liberating statement if you can accept it on a deeper level. I say “deeper level” because I think most people would understand that on a cerebral level but it can be so difficult to practice. Even in everyday situations, we can find ourselves saying, “S/he should not have treated me that way” or “I shouldn’t have to wait in this long line.” Why should it NOT be that way? These types of statements are perfect examples of our egos telling us that WE should be the ones in charge at all times. If we buy into this thinking, we are setting ourselves up for a lifetime of misery. One of my favorite prayers is the Serenity prayer because it speaks to this point. I’m sure most of you are familiar with it but I will quote it here anyway. It says, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. “

This, in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful ways one can hope to live. Being completely accepting of those things we cannot change gives us time to focus on the finding the courage to change the things we can.

For today, I dare you to take out a piece of paper (or create a page in your journal if you have one) and create two columns with a line down the middle that looks something like this:

Accept (Let it be)______I____Refocus or Change

This is meant to serve as a visual depiction of the Serenity Prayer. As you encounter situations over the next week, that you cannot (and should not) control, make a decision to refocus yourself on the things you can change. Maybe there isn’t any aspect of the actual situation that you can change but you can ALWAYS change your perception of it. What’s amazing to me as I did the exercise is that I noticed the time it took me to accept things was gradually whittled down to almost no time at all. The reason is that very quickly, my mind wanted to get to the “good stuff” and that is, how can I change the way I look at this? Some of my own examples are below (I was limited by the formatting of the page so had to move from a two column format to what you see below).

_____________________________________________________

Accept (Let it Be)

Stuck in Traffic

Refocus or Change

Use time waiting in lines or traffic to meditate.

Crank up the radio or get caught up on some of my favorite podcasts

___________________________________________________________

Accept (Let it Be)

What other people say, do, or think

Refocus or Change
Remind myself that their journey is their own just as mine is my own. I don't have to agree with it or like it but I must respect that.

____________________________________________________________

Accept (Let it Be)
The state of the economy - I cannot control what will happen to the economy.
The price of gasoline is so high.

Refocus or Change

I can choose to focus on the wealth and abundance in my life rather than on what is lacking or missing from my life.

What am I doing to help out and what else can I do? 1) Recycle 2) Make sure my car is energy efficient and is properly maintained

___________________________________________________________

Accept (Let it Be)

Death/ Change - I have lost somene close to me or something of great value to me such as my job

Refocus or Change

Find one way every day to celebrate life! 1) Call or send a note to at least one family member or friend every day over the next week letting them know how much I appreciate them. 2) Find ways to let go of attachment to things reminding myself that everything changes. Cleanout my closet and donate anything I have worn or used in a year to charity. 3) Remind myself that if I reflect honestly on signficant changes in my life, they have always turned out for the better.

____________________________________________________________

As always, make this a fun exercise for yourself. Don’t try too hard. There will be situations where you will not be able to easily refocus and that’s absolutely OK. See if you can still write down as much as you can about those situations so that you can perhaps learn anything from them later.

I look forward to hearing how this worked for you. This exercise has worked wonders in my life particularly in the area of learning to control my temper because there is so much peace to be found when you just learn to “let it be” and trust that Source/God is in charge. Source does not require our consultation for creation and it certainly does not require our consultation for change/ transformation. When we trust that it all unfolds as it should, we can then focus on our own life’s calling.

Thanks for reading and for daring to dare!

Celebrate Yourself

2009-02-02T20:53:00.010-06:00

“If you done it, it ain’t bragging.”
-Walt Whitman

Hello everyone and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Before we get started with today’s dare, I’d like to acknowledge two of my friends who have helped to fan this ultra-inspired “fire” inside me I’ve been feeling lately. First, my friend Sydney Chase of the Indigo Room is back on the air doing her podcast which I along with many others am extremely grateful for. Sydney hosts a show on Talkshoe.com called, “The Indigo Room” which is recorded live every Monday at 1 PM eastern but you can also download it from iTunes if you can’t tune in on Mondays. Sydney has an absolutely contagious laugh and the show is a lot of fun. She primarily discusses topics from the books of Jerry and Esther Hicks (Abraham), but really the show is centered around all things spiritual. She has a gift for breaking it down in a way that anyone open to understanding, can understand. You can find links to all the things Sydney is working on including her own island on Second Life (which I chilled out on yesterday!) from her site at http://theindigoroom.webs.com/. Syd, I totally understand the hiatus thing but we are soooo glad you are back!

The second friend I’d like to acknowledge is a new friend, Julie, who loaned me an absolutely fabulous book (and her prized autographed copy no less!). The name of the book is, Life is a Verb by Patti Digh. The book essentially asks readers to consider how they would live their lives if they knew they only had a certain amount of time to live. While that in itself might seem like a bit of a “downer”, it’s not at all. The book is setup in such a way that it’s really more of a workbook with writing and action exercises very similar to the dares we do in this blog. In fact, one of those exercises was the inspiration for what I plan on discussing with you today! The book is available on Amazon.com and I’m going to be ordering my own copy very soon because it’s just one of those books you want to own. Thank you so much, Julie!

So let’s get started with today’s dare. As I mentioned, the idea for what I want to discuss today is inspired by one of the exercises I recently completed in the Life is a Verb book. The exercise asks the reader to free-write for four minutes a list of things they have accomplished big and small that deserve an award. The author writes, “Don’t be shy. Celebrate yourself and write a description of the awards you would design for yourself.” This was such a fun exercise to do and I think it’s a big source of why I’ve been feeling so upbeat these past few days.

When I first started this exercise, I felt this resistance because I felt like I was bragging. However, once I wrote a few things down and just let it flow (that’s what a “free-write” is supposed to be about…uninhibited unedited writing) I really got on a roll. After I was done and reflected back on what I had written, it occurred to me how easy it is to identify everything we feel is “wrong” with us and how difficult it can be to celebrate our successes big and small. We are quick to dismiss things like being a good parent, listening to a friend, or taking care of our pets as “givens’ meaning that anyone should do those things. The fact is, not everyone does and we should recognize ourselves for doing them.

Children really don’t have a problem with showing you what they can do. It’s such an amazing thing to see a child start to discover themselves and their gifts. They ecstatically yell, “Look at me!” whenever they have done even the smallest thing. As we grow older, many of us are taught that, “Look at me!” equates to bragging and we shouldn’t do that because it’s impolite and no one likes a braggart. While bragging as a means to tear others down and elevate ourselves isn’t a very positive thing, there is absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating our own successes even if it’s to no one else but ourselves. We are usually our own worse critics anyway. Remind yourself why you are so incredible for once instead of focusing on everything else you need to improve.

So, for this dare you will need two things, a pen and a pad of Post-it notes. Carry them with you for one day and anytime you have a success big or small (or remember one from your past), write it down on one sheet and, if you really want to get creative, after the “award winning task” is written down, write a quick name for the award you would give yourself. Have fun! For example, I took care of my pets today by making sure they had water and food and gave them each individual attention….today I get the “Cesar Milan Awesome Pack Leader Award”! Another example is, my car broke down today and I didn’t get upset at all. A year ago, this would’ve put me in a really bad mood. For that I got the “I-Made-Lemonade-Out-of-My-Lemon-of-a-Car Award” and I drew a lemon underneath the name of the award. Remember NOTHING is too small to acknowledge.

At the end of the day, pull each individual sheet from the pad and post them on your bathroom mirror if it’s big enough. If not, try and find a big enough mirror where they will fit but you can still see yourself. Once they are all up, look at your reflection surrounded by all of these wonderful awards. These are the things we don’t remember to give ourselves credit for regularly and sometimes, not at all. Really allow yourself to feel proud of the things you do. I think pride is given a really bad rap many times because again, we associate it with bragging but it doesn’t have to be about putting someone else down at all. Can you imagine what kind of world this would be if we all took genuine pride in everything we do?

How about a “double-dog-dare”? Do this exercise for one week. It’s really great if you can do this longer than one day to get in the habit of looking for things to celebrate about yourself but if you’re not up to it, one day is better than nothing!

I hope you really have fun with this exercise and remember to never take for granted how incredible you are. Thanks again for reading and daring to dare! Talk to you soon!

Respect the Journey; Theirs AND Yours

2009-01-25T18:32:00.006-06:00

"Sometimes, I feel the fear of, uncertainty stinging clear. And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer. It's driven me before, and it seems to be the way, that everyone else gets around, But lately I'm, beginning to find that, When I drive myself my light is found."
-From the song “Drive” by Incubus

Hello everyone and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”. Last night, I saw the movie “Peaceful Warrior” (2006), a film about a college gymnast training for the Olympics who, after suffering a critical leg injury, finds himself on a path to enlightenment. Nick Nolte plays Socrates, the gymnast’s spiritual guide. It’s a really good movie and, from what I’ve heard, also an excellent book based on a true story. I would recommend checking out either.

Today, I want to write about something that came together for me after seeing this movie. Bits and pieces have been coming together for a while now but when I awoke this morning, I seemed to understand how they all fit. I recently read a Zen story about a man who sees another man on a quickly galloping horse. It appears that the man is going somewhere very important. When the man standing along side the road asks, “Where are you going?” the man on the horse replies, “I don’t know, ask the horse!”

We are all on our own “horses”, which can symbolize several things. Our horse may be habits we’ve acquired, limiting beliefs, or anything else that renders us powerless on our individual journeys. Sometimes other people will pull up next to you as you ride and try to tell you how you should be handling your horse. Other times, you will pull up next to others and tell them how you think they should handle theirs. We get frustrated with other people if we feel they are not handling themselves the way WE think they should be.

There is not one person who has walked this earth or will walk this earth who will ever experience the exact same journey you are on. Your experiences along this journey of life are completely your own and no one can purport to understand them any better than you; not your parents, your spouse, or your friends. Think about that for a second. How sacred does this thought make your life? This morning, as I read through the paper, I came across the obituaries which I normally don’t pay much attention to. This time, I saw this page in a very different light and a feeling of reverence came over me like I had never felt before. Our lives are one of a kind, never to be experienced by any other person. Yes, the “life experience” is one we share with all living creatures (not just human) but our individual experiences are very much our own. The spider in the corner of your room has it’s own life experiences that will never be matched by any other creature to walk, crawl, slither, or swim this earth.

In the past, frustration and anger used to set in for me when I felt like someone should have behaved in a certain way or should not have done something that I disapproved of. When friends solicit advice from us regarding challenges they are facing, we are often tempted to tell them exactly how they should “handle their horse” so to speak. We even sometimes want to take the reins for them not because we are trying to hurt them but because we want to help. What we need to realize, though, is that steering for someone else is disrespecting their journey, even if this is not the intent. There are obstacles along their paths that they must encounter on their own to take them to the place they need to be. When a friend solicits my advice or simply wants to talk through a challenge in their life, I try to put myself in a frame of mind that does not allow me and my ego to get emotionally involved to the point where I am taking the reins for them. That’s not to say we shouldn’t help them where we can, but rather that it is important to realize the difference between driving for them and simply listening in a non-judgmental and non-controlling way.

Recently, a friend of mine expressed her frustration over her partner not acting in a way she felt was appropriate. I listened and then simply shared with her two sentences that have helped me to respect not only the journey of others but my own as well. The sentences are, “As it is” and “As I am”.

“As it is” has helped me to release the need to feel that things should be different. Some people have a problem with this sort of belief because they will say, “What do you mean things shouldn’t be different? Should we just accept war, child abuse, poverty, etc?” My answer to that is, “yes”. Those things exist whether we choose to accept them or not. Resenting the fact that they exist does not help to change them. If I’m driving and there is someone speeding in and out of traffic with no apparent concern for anyone else’s safety, getting angry or giving him or her a one finger “salute” does nothing to address the issue. In fact, it can make it worse because it now puts me in a state of mind where I’m angry and probably shouldn’t be driving a couple of tons of steel. I’ve now added one person (me) to the number of unsafe drivers on the road.

“As it is” doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to change what we can, it merely means we should accept the things that we cannot control, and that includes other people.

“As I am” is something I remind myself of when I say, think, or do something I wish I had not. Many people are so hard on themselves and beat themselves up for every perceived “mistake” that it’s no wonder we are constantly seeking approval from outside of ourselves. We’ve all done things in our past that we wish we wouldn’t have but the point is, those things are just as much a part of your journey as the things that you are glad you did. “As I am” is not an excuse or free pass to do anything you want but it is a way to accept yourself exactly as you are now. Until you do that, you won’t be able to move forward. If you truly need other people’s approval to make you feel good about yourself, accept it. Getting mad at yourself and saying, “I shouldn’t need other people’s approval to feel good about myself” won’t do anything to change that. It will only make you feel worse about yourself. “As I am” is the way to respect your own path.

For today, I dare you to recognize situations where you are either not respecting the journey of others or are not respecting your own. Upon recognizing this, simply say to yourself, “As it is. As I am”. When I started reciting these two simple sentences to myself, I was amazed at how powerful and yet calming they were. In most cases, tension completely disappears when I remind myself that I cannot control what another person says or does, I can only control my actions. What an empowering feeling!

As a tip, your emotions can be an awesome tool to help you recognize those situations where you are not respecting your journey or that of others. By that I mean that we tend to feel tension or frustration in situations we are attempting to control that are not ours to do so. Next time you feel frustrated, ask yourself if this is true. I would venture to say it will be true in most cases.

Thanks for reading today and daring to dare!! I will talk to you soon.

Desperation, Motivation, Inspiration

2009-01-15T22:14:00.009-06:00

Desperation - Act of showing extreme amount of anxiety to achieve or obtain something otherwise one's situation would be hopeless.

Motivation – An incentive to do something

Inspiration – In spirit.; To infuse into the mind; to communicate to the spirit; to convey, as by a divine or supernatural influence; to disclose preternaturally; to produce in, as by inspiration.

(Definitions taken from askaword.com)

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Before I start today I’d like to extend a warm welcome to a new reader who I have been a fan of over the past year or so and she was gracious enough to visit my blog recently and leave a comment. Her name is Sheri Zampelli and she has her own blog called, “Get Gal_Vanized” (http://sherizampelli.com/blog/). She also has her own podcast on iTunes, called “Donate Your Weight”, in which she discusses concepts from her book of the same title. Great stuff, so check it out of you get a chance! Thanks for reading, Sheri and keep up your great work!

So, let’s get down to business with the first dare of the year! With 2009 underway, many people have made resolutions for the New Year. Personally, I don’t do this anymore because, like most people, I found that by February my resolutions were only memories. I read somewhere that within 20 days of setting a resolution, 80% of those well meaning people have already ditched their goal. Now, the fact that I don’t make resolutions doesn’t mean I don’t have goals for myself. It just means that I found myself in that 80% often enough to realize I needed a different approach to goal setting.

In reflecting why resolutions never really worked for me, I compared some things I’ve accomplished in my life to things I didn’t accomplish (or accomplished for a short period of time) and came up with some ideas as to why this might be. For example, my education was something that I had some very clear goals around and successfully accomplished those goals. After obtaining my Bachelor’s degree in music in 1992, I went back to school seven years later to get my Master’s degree in business (MBA). I worked full-time (plus!) while working towards my Master’s which is not easy to do as anyone who balances work, school, and family knows. While I can remember days that were really tough for me, I also remember being absolutely certain that I was going to achieve my goal. There was no doubt in my mind.

On the other hand, one of the most popular New Year’s resolutions of “getting healthy” has been a tough challenge for me In fact, two of the most common resolutions for people are to stop smoking and to lose weight. Both are very well meaning goals that not only extend one’s life expectancy but also add tremendously to the quality of one’s life. So why is it then that some many people are back to their old habits by February?

In examining my own life goals, I considered the three definitions given above: desperation, motivation, and inspiration. In my mind, when I think of “desperation”, I think of taking action in an extreme situation, such as an action one might take if they saw a child pinned underneath a car. We’ve all heard stories of people acquiring superhuman strength in these types of situations. I think desperation can serve a purpose, for example, in these types of situations; however, I don’t think it’s very positive in the long run.

The next two concepts, motivation and inspiration, used to be a bit blurry to me until I read, Inspiration; Your Ultimate Calling by Dr. Wayne Dyer. In his book, Dr. Dyer differentiates between motivation and inspiration as follows, “If motivation is grabbing an idea and carrying it through to an acceptable conclusion, then inspiration is the reverse. When we’re in the grip of inspiration, an idea has taken hold of us from the invisible reality of spirit.” I love this explanation because it made the light bulb come on for me. Reflecting back again on what I’ve accomplished and what I haven’t, I can clearly see that in the instances where I’ve followed through, more often than not I was called to action by an idea that had taken hold of me. For example, when I first started writing this blog a year or so ago, I never wanted it to feel like I was obligated to do it but rather moved to do so. I don’t push myself to write when I am not inspired to because then I think it’s coming from ego rather than from a place of inspiration.

Additionally, when we act from a point of inspiration rather than motivation, the actions we are moved to take have a much different feel than those we take when strictly working from motivation or desperation. Going back to the writing example, I know when I am inspired to write because when I get an idea, all my books end up open on the floor and I am typing away madly just trying to get what I’m thinking out on paper fast enough. It consumes me. It’s so fun and feels so “with the flow” despite the fact that it takes work; it just doesn’t feel so much like it when I am truly inspired.

I remember reading somewhere that when we do things that evoke that fire or passion within us, we really need to pay attention because that is our inner guide, spirit, God, or whatever you choose to call it trying to tell us what we were called here to do. The problem is, we can get so caught up in day to day responsibilities that we forget to take the time to do the things that truly “bring us to life”. Don’t get me wrong, those daily responsibilities are important, but can’t you find even a few minutes a day to do something that gets that spark inside you going? What truly makes you happy? Do you even remember?

Dr. Wayne Dyer also has a new movie that was just released called, “Ambition to Meaning”. I caught a sneak preview of it a few days ago and it is wonderful. Essentially, the movie speaks of moving from a place of ambition or pure “motivation” where you a driven to acquire more money, status, and power and allowing those things to define you, to a place of “meaning”, which is the place of inspiration where your purpose lies. It’s a great movie which I highly recommend!

For today, my dare for you is this….go and do something today just for you that truly makes you feel alive. If it’s been so long that you can’t even remember what that is anymore, do several things over the next week that you think might be close and really feel what that feels like. Go shoot some baskets, play some golf, get on the floor with a coloring book and some crayons, sing, dance, volunteer somewhere…do whatever, but just for you. When people die with their music still in them, it’s not only a loss for that person but for the rest of us who may have been lifted by that music.

Thanks for reading and I’ll talk to you again very soon!

Do You See Your Shadow?

2008-12-20T15:43:00.009-06:00

“There is no way this winter is ever going to end, as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any other way out. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.”
--Phil Conners, from the movie Groundhog Day

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! This morning my girlfriend, Larissa, and I had one of our profound Saturday morning discussions. Often, when we wake up on the weekends we just lay in bed and talk, sometimes for more than an hour about a lot of different things. This is one of the things I completely love about our relationship! This morning, one of the things we talked about was the circumstances that brought us together almost seven years ago.

Seven years ago I was single, having come out of a relationship with my last girlfriend about two years prior to that. That relationship did not start out well and certainly did not end well. For the sake of this conversation, I will refer to her as X. When X and I met, we were both in relationships at that time and started seeing each other on the side without the knowledge of our then partners. OK, yeah, that’s a nice way to say cheating. I think we thought we were falling in love, and maybe we did, but now, reflecting back on the situation, I think we fell more in love with the excitement of the whole thing. I guess that’s why a lot of people cheat. Whatever it was, we loved it at the time and left our girlfriends for each other. We were together for about six years before we drifted apart. She did end up leaving me for someone else but I can’t say it surprised me either because, up until this point, I myself had cheated on every one of my ex-girlfriends, so I certainly take responsibility for attracting this situation into my life.

Nevertheless, when X and I broke up, I was devastated. I found myself single for the first time since I was about fifteen years old. I had never been without a boyfriend or girlfriend. My first instinct was to find another so I went out immediately to try and find someone new. I went out a few times and found myself falling back into the same old destructive patterns. I felt very much like Bill Murray’s character, Phil, in Groundhog Day. If you’ve never seen the movie, it’s about a self-absorbed man who has to keep reliving the same day over and over again until he gets it right. At first, he has fun with it by trying to manipulate certain situations for his own benefit, to include trying to make Andie MacDowell’s character, Rita, fall in love with him. His manipulation never really works, so he then tries to kill himself and does so several times but always wakes up again to the same day. At one point, Phil tells Rita, “I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist anymore.” She replies, “Well sometimes I wish I had 1000 lifetimes. I don’t know Phil, what if it’s not a curse? It just depends on how you look at it.” This is Phil’s moment of realization.

My moment of realization came at about 3 am one Saturday morning during my single period after a night of partying with a woman I had only recently met. Although I had been drinking, I remember having a flash of lucidity and thinking to myself, “What am I doing? Is this what I want? Am I going to start to do this all over again?” In a sense, I saw a shadow of my past and realized that I did not want this to be my reality anymore. After escorting her out the door, I decided it was time to change myself by working on me. Like Phil in the movie Groundhog Day, I started focusing on becoming a better person and that’s when I opened the door to allowing something better to come into my life. I remember describing my realization to a friend of mine by saying, “I realized that the woman I am looking for is not leaning against a bar doing shots of tequila. She’s probably hanging out at a Barnes and Noble bookstore waiting for me to stop being stupid.” Although I did not realize this at the time, I was in essence starting to understand the first rule of the law of attraction which says, “That which like unto itself, is drawn.” I could not attract the relationship I really wanted by thinking and behaving in a way that was not in alignment with it.

Once I changed my behavior and more importantly, my thinking, this is exactly when I met Larissa. She had also just “ended her own winter” by leaving a very bad relationship but more importantly, had decided that she was never going to allow anyone to treat her disrespectfully again.

Several religions believe in reincarnation, which literally means “to be made flesh again”. Although I am not certain what happens after our physical death, I do think that during our physical lives, we can die many times and have opportunities to be reborn into something better. That Saturday morning at 3 am, a part of me died. The part that believed my happiness was based on something or someone outside of myself. I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship but now, for the first time in my life, realized that I didn’t need one to be happy.

So what are you reliving over and over again? Are there scenes and scripts in your life you find yourself replaying that aren’t serving your true higher self? For today, I dare you to examine your life for any shadows that might be inhibiting you. It might be an addiction, a dysfunctional relationship, or some other destructive pattern that is making you live essentially the same day over again. The winters of our lives don’t end until those shadows disappear and you are the only one that can make that happen for you so take out those flashlights, so to speak, and really examine if this is what you want for yourself.

Thanks for reading today and I will talk to you again soon! Larissa and I are headed out to Barnes and Noble now… :o)

2008-11-17T21:12:00.004-06:00

See this world, is not just a ball of vagueness you can just bounce off.
--From the song “Their Cell” by Girl in a Coma

Hi and Welcome back to a Dare a Day! Today I want to talk about the power of setting intentions and how this ties into goal setting. In one of my first blogs, I mentioned that I have significantly revamped how I set goals and am still toying with different things to see what works best for me. I have no problem with the initial step of getting goals down on paper but many times, I find that I don’t revisit them frequently enough which gets me mixed results.

Recently, I’ve been working with a technique I’ve read about called “segment intending”. I’ve actually heard about this technique from a few different sources but the description I like the best is from Jerry and Esther Hicks’ book, Ask and It is Given. What I like about this process is that within each day, you are setting “mini” goals or intentions for what you wish to happen within the segments that make up your day. Jerry and Esther describe the process of segment intending as “the process whereby you define vibrational characteristics of the time segment you are moving into. It is a way of pre-paving your vibrational path, so to speak, for easier and more enjoyable travel.” They continue, “This process will help you be more deliberate about focusing your thoughts. It will help you become more aware of where your thoughts currently are, and it will help you be able to more deliberately choose the thoughts that you offer.”

“Segments” therefore, are the times throughout the day when your intentions change. For example, getting dressed for work in the morning is one segment; eating breakfast is another; driving to work is another, and so on. For each of these, you consciously set an ‘intent” for how you would like it to occur. Honestly, it’s been difficult for me to remember to do this for each segment of my day but I have been experimenting with some segments that naturally stand out for me. For example, before I sat down to write today, I set an intent that the ideas would flow naturally through me and that I would have no problem communicating my thoughts to you. Tomorrow, I have a presentation to do for quite a few people so I have already set an intent that my message will be clear, easy to understand, and that I will help educate some of my fellow associates. I will reset that goal tomorrow morning and also right before I go to speak.

I have also gotten in the habit of setting daily intentions as soon as I wake up in the morning. For example, one standard intent I have is, “I intend to work efficiently and effectively today, providing the company I work for with much MORE than they would expect.” Another is, “I intend to attract positive people and positive experiences into my life.”

When I first started learning this technique, I wrote down my intentions and reviewed them daily but I don’t write them down anymore because for me, I become too used to the words and lose focus of the actual intent. Instead, I opt to think them through every morning.

This technique has proven very beneficial for me because it really does hone in on the specifics of what I am trying to attract into my life, and gets me to do so on a daily basis.

So for today, I dare you to find three times during your day for which you will consciously set an intent for a specific segment. How about a double-dog dare? We haven’t done one of those in a while. I double-dog-dare you to find six segments during your day for which you set specific intents. And yes, finally, the triple-dog-dare….How about ten segments?? You up for it? I think you are, especially if you’ve been reading for as long as I’ve been writing. Remember, be specific! As quoted above by one of my favorite bands, Girl in a Coma, this is not a ball of vagueness you can bounce off! If you want it, you need to get specific about it! Have fun and as always, I would love to hear how this worked for you so please comment back.

Until next time!

2008-11-02T19:57:00.003-06:00

“Isn't it strange that a gift could be an enemy? Isn't it weird that a privilege could feel like a chore? Maybe it's me but this line isn't going anywhere, maybe if we looked hard enough, we could find a backdoor.
I see you in line, dragging your feet you have my sympathy. The day you were born, you were born free. That is your privilege.”
--From the Song “Privilege” by Incubus

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! In a couple of days, we here in the U.S. are going to elect our new president. For the Americans reading this entry, have you voted yet? Don’t worry, I promise this is not going to be a political ad. We in the U.S. have been submerged in far too much of that stuff lately. What I am writing about today, however is the fact that on a daily basis, we can take so many things for granted. For example, a common phrase during election season is, “Exercise your right to vote.” You notice that I did not use the word “right” at the beginning of this entry. I didn’t say that because I think we treat far too many things as if they were “rights” when really, when you get down to it, they are privileges. It’s easy to think, “We’re in America, we do have a right to vote.” That may be true from a legal perspective but at one time, not everyone did and, there is nothing in the laws of the universe that says this will always be the case. In the song by Incubus quoted above, I love the line that says, “The day you were born, you were born free. That is your privilege.” Notice they did not say, “It’s your ‘right’,” because as we all know, being born free is not a given either.

Earlier today, I was doing some cleaning around and thought about this concept again as I was on my knees cleaning my bathroom floor. I usually hate doing these “pesky” household chores as most people do. As I wrote in my last blog, I always find myself thinking of more fun things I could be doing….like writing my blog! So right there, I decided to change my thoughts around. I thought about how wonderful it is to have a house with running water and how “privileged” I felt to have two legs to kneel upon and two hands to scrub. Wow! What a different feeling that was! What If we treated everything like this?

What if we felt “privileged” to be with our significant other? What if we felt “privileged” to work in our current jobs even if it isn’t what we intend for the long-term? What if we felt “privileged” to have our families and friends? It’s amazing how this small change in thought can have such a powerful impact.

For one day, I dare you to change your thoughts around a perceived “chore” into thinking of it as a “privilege”. If you haven’t voted yet and are dreading the long lines on November 4, this is a perfect time to try this. When you successfully do this, you may feel a burst of positive energy and even smile to yourself as I did on my knees cleaning my bathroom floor. That’s how powerful this thought can be. Hope you have as much fun with this one as I did. I will talk to you soon!

Why Now?

2008-10-21T22:16:00.005-05:00

all the pleasures of love will not be mine when i'm gone.
my pen won't pour out a lyric line when i'm gone,
so i guess i'll have to do it while i'm here.
and i won't breathe the bracing air when i'm gone.
and i can't even worry 'bout my cares when i'm gone.
won't be asked to do my share when i'm gone.
so i guess i'll have to do it while i'm here.
and i won't be running from the rain when i'm gone.
and i can't even suffer from the pain when i'm gone.
can't say who's to praise and who's to blame when i'm gone,
so i guess i'll have to do it while i'm here.
won't see the golden of the sun when i'm gone.
and the evenings and the mornings will be one when i'm gone.
can't be singing louder than the guns when i'm gone.
so i guess i'll have to do it while i'm here.
--Excerpt from the Song “When I’m Gone” by Ani Difranco

Hi and welcome back to A Dare a Day! Let me start by apologizing for my extended hiatus. It seems that I had been reading so much and learning so much so quickly that I had a bit of a mind overload. I wanted to let some time pass before I got back into writing and I’m glad I did because I’m ready to talk to you again!

So during my hiatus, I spent some time really getting in touch with myself again. By that, I mean that I’ve been listening to music, picking up my guitar again, singing (even though I don’t do that so well), and just doing things that make me happy. It’s so easy to get away from that kind of stuff when we become adults and have so many responsibilities.

I came across the song quoted above on iTunes and fell in love with it. In fact, this may sound morbid, but I would like this played at my memorial service when my physical time is up. Two reasons for that: 1) As a reminder to the living that we don’t get eternity in these bodies….do it now! 2) As a final message to my friends and family that I did do these things in my life and lived out what time I had to the fullest.

This doesn’t mean that we should all ditch our responsibilities and go out in the rain and play everyday. What it means to me is that we should treat every single moment as the true gift that it is. As I was doing the dishes the other day, I felt this feeling of stress come over me. I realized that I started to stress out because my mind was not on doing the dishes and the present moment but rather on what else I could be doing at that time. I could be reading, I could be writing, I could be playing my guitar etc. I brought myself back to the present moment, put those things out of my mind, and reminded myself that what I was doing at that moment was the most important thing I could be doing right then and it deserved all of my attention. Once I turned my attention back to what I was doing, the stress was gone. In his book, “The Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle states ,”Stress is caused by being ‘here’ but wanting to be ‘there’, or being in the present but wanting to be in the future….As you move, work, run – do it totally.”

Traffic jams are another good example of this kind of stress. I only live about four miles from my place of employment so I’m not used to traffic; however, there was some construction being done on one of the streets I take this morning which delayed me about 15 minutes. As I was stuck in traffic, I could feel the stress mounting but reminded myself that I had no choice but to accept the present moment so I decided to make the most of it and turn on a podcast which I rarely get to listen to in the car since my commute is usually so short. Before I knew it, I was on my way again.

Being here, but wanting to be there robs you of this moment. How many moments do you allow yourself to throw away? All of these moments are what make up your life. It’s not about a few big events, it’s about all the things in between. This is it! The play has started. When the curtain falls, how will you feel about your performance? For today, I dare you to catch yourself “wanting to be there” and turn your mind back towards “being here”. Count how many times you do this even if it’s just with a tick mark on your hand. This is not to judge yourself but rather to gently remind yourself that your attention to the present is the biggest gift you can give to you. As Ani Difranco says, “Do it while you are here!” Thanks for reading and I will talk to you again soon!!!

Life is But a Dream

2008-09-08T21:23:00.012-05:00

Row, Row, Row your boat,

Gently down the stream.

Merrily, merrily, merrily,

Life is but a dream.

--The tune is credited to Eliphalet Oram Lyte in the publication The Franklin Square Song Collection

Hi and welcome back! In my last entry, I mentioned that it seems I've been hearing some songs I've known for years, almost for the first time. The quoted song above stuck in my head a few weeks ago when I was reading "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

The premise of their book is that our emotions are intended to be our guidance system that tells us where our thoughts are focused. Most of us have heard that we need to monitor our thoughts because we attract what we think about (Law of Attraction). However, given that the average person has thousands of thoughts per day, it would be impossible to constantly monitor every single thought. That's where emotions come into play. We can easily find out where our focus is by simply stopping at certain points throughout our day and asking, "How do I feel right now?" If the answer is, "Not so good," then it's important to take a few minutes to figure out why. What is going through your mind that is making you feel "not so good" (assuming it's not a physical condition)?

It's equally important to analyze what you are thinking if you're feeling really good because that means you're lined up with your Source. Your thoughts are in alignment with your inner being and that is a wonderful thing! The other day, I was walking down a hallway at the company I work for and felt this really strong positive feeling. I made a conscious effort to stop and listen to my thoughts for a minute. This isn't a very easy thing to do because it's almost like trying not to wake from a dream. Nevertheless, I tried not to interfere with my thoughts and became somewhat of an outside observer to what was floating through my mind. I discovered that right before this strong positive feeling came over me, I had been focusing my attention on how grateful I felt to have a job I enjoy and to work in such a beautiful place. There's beautiful art on the walls and gorgous landscaped courtyards to look at. Knowing that we attract more of what we think about, I was very happy with my findings!

If your findings aren't so positive, and you are indeed feeling bad, try and get a sense of what dominant thoughts are going through your head that might be making you feel that way. The reason this is important is because you can start to slowly turn those thoughts around into something more positive. That doesn't mean that you're going to go from, "I hate my job" to "I love my job". What it does mean is that you can start to reach for a better feeling than "I hate my job". Perhaps something like, "OK, this isn't my dream job but it is helping me to meet my financial responsibilities at this time."

In their book, The Astonishing Power of Emotions, the authors state, "You can make a choice to feel a little better or a little worse. Those are your only choices: upstream or downstream." By "upstream" the authors are referring to thoughts or actions that go against the flow of Source which flows "downstream". Thoughts like "I hate my job" or "I'm so overweight" are examples they use to illustrate the idea of "upstream" thoughts. A thought such as, "I'm grateful to be earning a paycheck," is considered downstream because you aren't fighting the current situation. By that, I don't mean that you find the current situation to be your ideal situation but, it is what it is and your only choice at this moment is either to fight "upstream" and make yourself unhappy in the process, thereby attracting more of the same to yourself, or to make a conscious decision to turn your boat around.

So for today, I challenge you to pay attention to how you are feeling and make a concsious effort to stop and see if you can pick out 1 or 2 dominating thoughts that are making you feel whatever emotion you are feeling. If it's a positive feeling, pay equal attention because it's extremely useful to understand what is causing those feelings so you can attract more of the same.

If you are feeling negative emotions, try and come up with a statement or two to make yourself feel a little bit better. Don't try to go from sad to ecstatic! It's not going to happen. Just try to go from sad to perhaps a more neutral emotion. From there, then you can work on reaching for more.

Have fun! Talk to you again soon.

Star Light, Star Bright

2008-08-27T20:20:00.011-05:00

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
--Leigh Harline

Hi and Welcome back to “A Dare a Day”! Lately I’ve been listening to some songs that I’ve heard probably hundreds of times but now have a very clear meaning to me. The song above is one of those.

A few night ago, I happened to be outside and noticed how clear the sky was. There were many stars in the sky and it reminded me of being a child and never missing the opportunity to wish upon one. When we’re children, we are seldom at a loss to wish for things we want but, as we grow older, we lose that sense of magic. We stop wishing for things because we already anticipate being let down so why even bother?

I think the problem with that sort of thinking is that first, not allowing ourselves to get excited about what we want keeps us from matching the vibration we need to get there. For example, if you are overweight and you want to lose weight, you may be discouraged to wish for this because your mind (ego) will take over and say, “You’ve tried to lose weight before. What’s the use? You’re just going to fail again and probably gain even more weight.” That sort of energy puts you completely out of alignment with the vibration of losing weight. I experienced this with a writing project I am working on. I started a screenplay a couple of years ago and really was on a roll with writing for the first few months. Then, my ego kicked in and started giving me all the reasons why I couldn’t write it. I thought, “Even if I do write it, who’s going to be interested anyway?” I realize now, that’s not what I should be aligning myself with. My only concern is to trust and write.

The other problem with not wishing for things is that you may miss a signal from the universe giving you feedback as to whether or not you are matching what you are called here for. I once heard a quote that said, “Pay attention to the things that get you excited for therein lies your calling.” If we don’t allow ourselves to get excited about things because we’re afraid of being disappointed, how will you know if you’re headed in the right direction? Using my earlier example, when I think about writing, I get very emotionally excited. This is valuable information for me to have because I truly believe that it is a signal from a higher source telling me that I can do this. Writing this blog has been a wonderful way for me to start working through that self-imposed mental block because I am proving to myself that, yes, I can do this.

For today’s dare, I am asking you to think like a child again. Look up at the sky and pick out a star or take a few pennies to a fountain and make a wish. When you do that, feel what it would feel like to have that in your life right now. Allow yourself to imagine what you would think and how you would carry yourself if your wish were to come true. Don’t get upset with yourself if those doubts start to creep in. That’s part of how we are conditioned to respond. Simply smile and push those thoughts out of your head returning back to a state of total confidence that provided your wish is “in your dream, no request is too extreme.”

Have fun and I will talk to you again soon!

A Room, a Dream, and a Kindred Spirit

2008-08-10T21:27:00.003-05:00

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." –Anne Frank

Hi and welcome back to “A Dare a Day!” I just returned home from a business trip. This time I was off to sunny Irvine, California. I had a wonderful time. It’s really beautiful out there. I’m not really sure why but I feel so “in tune” in California. Additionally, a few really significant things happened to me during this visit.

It started with checking into the hotel. When I arrived to the front counter, despite my reservation for a non-smoking room, the hotel clerk told me that the only room available for me was a smoking room. Somehow, the reservation was made incorrectly. Rather than get upset, I agreed to take the room when, just then, another clerk rushed over and said, “I couldn’t help but overhear that this customer (me) is looking for a non-smoking room. The gentleman who I am assisting wants a smoking room and he currently has a non-smoking room.” I smiled, knowing of course that this was more than just a coincidence. The clerk turned to me and said, “Wow, perfect timing! The only thing is, you requested a king-sized bed and this is two doubles. Is that OK?” “Sure!” I replied. “I’ll take it!”

When I got to my room, however, it turns out that the clerk was wrong. I got my king-sized bed too! How nice is that???

Later that evening, I was trying to keep myself up a bit later because I was already dozing off around 8 pm Cali time, which is really 10 pm in my hometown of San Antonio. Nevertheless, I fell asleep around 8:30. That night, I dreamt that one of my close friends came to my house crying, stating her mother had a heart attack. It was very strange because I had only met her mother one or two times and rarely does my friend speak of her.

When I woke up in the morning, the dream remained very vivid in my mind. After I arrived at the office, it was really bothering me so I decided to give her a call despite the fact that I knew she probably wouldn’t put much stock in my dream. Much to my surprise, she actually didn’t completely disregard my dream as I thought she might. She mentioned that she had been thinking about calling her mom anyway since she hadn’t spoken to her in a while.

About twenty minutes later, I received a call back from her. She told me that she had spoken to her mother and relayed the dream to her. Her mother told her, “Tell your friend she is psychic.” Apparently, her mother had been undergoing some tests for high-blood pressure (which I did not know previously) and had woken up in the middle of the night feeling as if she may be having a heart attack. She stated that she almost called an ambulance to take her to the hospital but decided to take her blood pressure medicine to see if it would help and it did. She was following up with her doctor the same day.

As my friend told me this, I got chills up and down my body because I just felt so in touch with my source and in total awe. I’ve had a few premonitions before but this one was very clear. Just amazing.

Over the week, I had a great time really trying to make an effort to be in each moment. A co-worker who was also in town on business contacted me to go to dinner a couple of times. We went to Huntington Beach our last night there, and after dinner played in the Pacific Ocean in our work clothes under a beautiful moon. Way cool! A couple walked by us and said, “You all look like you’re having so much fun!”…and we were!

Just when I thought my adventures in Cali were over, on the plane ride home I met a kindred spirit. He was a 22 year old college student whose seat happened to be right next to mine on the plane. His name was William. When he sat down next to me, we almost immediately started talking about music and life. We talked for almost the entire three-hour trip. As we spoke, I thought a few times that people around us must think we are old friends. It was almost as if we picked up on a conversation we had started a long time ago. It was just amazing to me how much we had in common despite our eighteen year difference in physical age but of course, that means absolutely nothing in the non-physical world.

He asked me a question that led me to a revelation of my own. William asked me, “How do you ever know what you want to do the rest of your life?” I answered, “That’s a good question. I’m still figuring that one out myself but I’ll tell you what, I’m having a ton of fun along the way!” I told him that I remembered the pressure of college and thinking, “Am I supposed to pick what I want to do the rest of my life right now??” It then occurred to me, is life really supposed to be about picking what you want to do or, is it a better question to ask, “Who do I want to be?” The question, “What do I want to do?” puts you in a position of defining yourself by what you do, doesn’t it? I think asking, “Who do I want to be?” is a much more powerful question because you can “be” right now. If I say, “I want to be generous,” you can do something generous right now. You might say, “Well, I don’t have enough money to be generous right now.” However, you can be generous just by holding a door open for someone or smiling at a stranger.

As we left the plane, William gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. It’s just so cool when you meet people like that. People that you just know you have a special connection with somehow.

So, have you figured you figured out who you want to be? For today, I dare you to make a list of the person you want to be and then, take one action for each of those things. For example, my list looks something like this:

I want to be: healthy in mind and body, a life-learner, a teacher (not in the classroom sense), considerate, generous, etc. I can quite easily take one action right now in these areas without having to wait a single moment. Don’t put who you want to be on the back burner. You asked to be here in this physical world for a reason and now is the time to act on that. Dare yourself to be who you were meant to be! Until next time, dare something worthy!

The Amazing Power of, "So What?"

2008-07-30T22:33:00.007-05:00

“True freedom is being open to everything and attached to nothing.” –Dr. Wayne Dyer

Hi and welcome back to A Dare a Day! First order of business today is to send a big “thank you” to Sydney Chase of The Indigo Room (http://www.theindigoroom.webs.com/) for her hospitality in welcoming me to her spiritual community and mentioning this blog on her show. You can hear her on talkshoe.com every Monday. I joined her show live for the first time this week (I usually download the recording off iTunes).

This is a fun and enlightening show with a great group of people to chat with so check it out if you can!

Sydney’s show has definitely been a blessing along my spiritual path. As I mentioned before, the more you ask for guidance, the more you get and with every new book, podcast, or community I encounter, five more can open up to me. I’m really having a lot of fun writing this blog and meeting so many wonderful people. Namaste, Indigo Room!

So, let’s get on track for today’s dare. Last week, Larissa (my girlfriend) and I went to see the bands Cheap Trick, Heart, and Journey. I bought our tickets a couple of months ago because I am a HUGE fan of Heart. Last year, we travelled all the way to San Diego to see the (just to give you some perspective on what I mean by “HUGE fan”).

Anyway, I love Larissa very much and she has so many wonderful qualities about her but sometimes her timing for our social engagements can run just a tad…let’s just say “askew”. I had mentioned earlier that week that she should try and take some time off that afternoon so that we could beat the traffic. She thought we would be fine but unfortunately, we found ourselves stuck in a grueling traffic jam as the concert was already starting. Needless to say, as I sat I the car, I could feel that my vibes were not very good. Larissa was very stressed too because she knew this was important to me. As we inched closer, we could hear the music starting and I knew that I was going to miss a good part of the show. I finally got to a point in the car where I thought to myself, “You know what? If I miss it, so what? Really…what is going to happen. It’s not the end of the world.” A few minutes later, Larissa realized that there was a back way we could follow to take us to a different entrance of the amphitheater. At first, I said, “No, we shouldn’t risk that entrance being just as bad.” However, I then thought, “This idea of the other entrance came to her for a reason so let’s just go.” When we did, we got into the theater within 15 minutes. Although we missed about two-thirds of the show, I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would because I refused to let it ruin my evening. The outside air was great, the music was good, and I was with my girlfriend. Good times. A few months ago, I definitely would’ve let it ruin my evening, Larissa’s evening, and more than likely, I still would not have been over it.

I realized that the peace that came over me was because I was able to detach myself from the outcome. In other words, I said, “So what?” “So what” doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care about anything. I very much wanted to see Heart. However, my pain was caused by the fact that I attached myself to a particular outcome that I had no control over. Having things not turn out the way we think they should or within the time frame we think they should, is a very common occurrence for all of us. Whether it’s not getting the raise or position we thought we should or getting stuck in a traffic jam, we can pull ourselves out of the present moment by focusing on what we think should or should not be happening. By asking ourselves, “So what” we allow ourselves to slowly reach for a better feeling. When I was in the car and asked myself this question, I realized no one was going to die because of this. I’ve seen them before and actually, now I had a good reason to perhaps fly somewhere else to see them again! I felt very blessed as I reminded myself that I could do this!

For today, I dare you to ask yourself, “So what?” whenever something occurs differently than the way you think it should. That doesn’t mean you’re going to jump straight from a bad feeling to a good feeling but this question (which you may need to ask yourself several times) can get you to a better feeling place. So, you’re inner dialogue may go something like this:

I am going to miss the concert.
So what?
So, I like this band and paid quite a bit of money to get good seats.
So what?
So that money will be wasted.
So what?
So I guess I will need to try and see them again.
So what?
So, I am grateful that I can afford to do that!

That is essentially how my inner dialogue went and yours can too if you dare to accept the dare! As always, try and make a game of this and you will increase the effectiveness of this tool that much more! Have fun and I will talk to you again soon!